beaujolais

wednesday newstrip

The federal Liberal Party voted against a spill motion yesterday, 61 votes to 39, meaning Toe Knee Ass-Bit will remain as Prom Minister ∙ a teenage girl has been fatally shot by police outside of a Hungry Jacks ahead of a key meeting of Euro-zone finance ministers in Brussels ∙ Samsung is warning customers about discussing personal information in front of their smart television sets following the Tax Office revealing it has investigated hundreds of Australians with Swiss bank accounts ∙ at least 1,500 Russian troops, convoys of military hardware, & the entire frontbench of the Northern Territory Government entered Ukraine over the weekend ∙ Smiley face spotted by Hubble Space Telescope. It's the bee version of a mystery thriller.

Mirror images of Toe Knee Ass-Bit

This

& this.

This

& this.

This

& this.

notion / nation

wednesday newstrip

The Prom Minister, Toe Knee Ass-Bit, has dug his hole deeper by repeatedly refusing to deny claims his deputy Julie Bookshop has refused to promise she will not challenge him for the leadership ∙ the Raspberry Pi 2 packs more memory & a faster processor than its predecessor, the Northern Territory’s Chief Minister, Adam Giles, who was dumped in a 1 a.m. coup ∙ now selling at $23,000 for 500mls, Big Mac in a bottle was allowed to enter the basement courtroom through a side door, to avoid the horde of journalists attending its trial for “aggravated pimping” ∙ Pahiatua man Henry Coe explains how some of the many things that are troubling about the current Australian government's metadata retention proposals is how rooted in the past they are & how they have been living without teeth for 2 years after a dentist made dentures that didn't fit, & then refused to give a refund ∙ Iceland is rising because of climate change, with land freed by the melting of the ice caps rebounding from the earth at a rate of up to 3.5cm per year.

Issue thirty-six of Otoliths is out

In this, the southern summer, 2015, issue of Otoliths

you’ll find exciting new work by:

Volodymyr Bilyk, George McKim, Lakey Comess, Stephen Bett, Greg McLaren, Philip Byron Oakes, Demosthenes Agrafiotis, Robert Lietz, Stephen C. Middleton, Nick Ravo, Chase Gagnon, Owen Bullock, Caleb Puckett, Kyle Hemmings, Despo Magoni, Craig Cotter, J. Crouse, Michael Martrich, Bryan Young, Halvard Johnson, dan raphael, Jeff Dahlgren, Jeff Dahlgren & John Lowther, John Lowther, Pete Spence, Howie Good, A. J. Huffman, John M. Bennett, Jim Leftwich & John M. Bennett, John M. Bennett & Vittore Baroni, Thomas M. Cassidy & John M. Bennett, Thomas M. Cassidy & Cheryl Penn & John M. Bennett, John M. Bennett, j4, Felino A. Soriano, Andrew Topel, Jürgen O. Olbrich & Andrew Topel, Jack Galmitz & Fotis Begetis, Joel Chace, Mark Melnicove, Sally Evans, James Sanders, Joe Balaz, John Martone, Raymond Farr, Carol Shillibeer, Carol Stetser, Natsuko Hirata, Cecelia Chapman & Jeff Crouch, Stuart Barnes, Michael Caylo-Baradi, Ric Carfagna, Nurul Wahidah, Anne Elvey, Jeff Harrison, Robert Sheppard, Stephen Nelson, Cyriaco Lopes & Terri Witek, Daniel John Pilkington, Eryk Wenziak, SS Prasad, sean burn, Jonel Abellanosa, Michael O’Brien, Mark Pirie, Márton Koppány, Willie Smith, Kit Kennedy, Toby Finch, Naomi Buck Palagi, Marcello Diotallevi, Stu Hatton, Brendan Tang, John Pursch, Charles Freeland, Paul Pfleuger, Jr., Luc Fierens, Angad Arora, PT Davidson, Steven Alvarez, George J. Farrah, bruno neiva, Bob Heman, Richard Kostelanetz, Bogdan Puslenghea, hiromi suzuki, Tony Beyer, nick-e melville, Marilyn Stablein, Ria Masae, Susan Gangel, Michael Brandonisio, Katrinka Moore, Gian Luigi Braggio, Texas Fontanella, Aditya Bahl, Tom Snarsky, & Trijita Mukherjee.

the dream

A note

from Meritage Press.


HOTUS POTUS

ISBN No.: 978-0-9826493-8-1
Release Date: January 2014
Price: $US14
Currently Available for $US9.80 from Lulu.com. Also available direct from the publisher (MeritagePress@aol.com) and soon from Amazon.com

ABOUT THE BOOK:

The 20th century cliché was that POTUS was the most powerful man in the world. It's since been realized that that’s a lot of hocus pocus, but, before that revelation, Mark Young committed his life to carrying around a heavy two-reel tape recorder in order to document for posterity the utterances of the forty-four Presidents of the United States. Now he has sifted through the more than 200 years of those recordings in order to bring to the reader the cream of the cream, HOTUS POTUS, presidential insights from an assembled cast that includes slave owners & supporters of emancipation; governors, generals, & those who never saw war but still won one for the gipper; rough riders & builders of smooth highways. Liars & truthtellers. So far there are no women. Let’s hope that changes soon.

wednesday newstrip

A hundred & thirty-five asylum seeker children are taking part in a gruelling 72-hour survival course in a snowy Russian forest to train for their upcoming role as space tourists ∙ Toe Knee Ass-Bit has awarded Australia's highest honour to the Queen's husband, Prince Philip, as recognition of his voting for the Marxist party in the Greek elections ∙ British singer Sarah Brightman remains in detention on Nauru after sprouting blooms that smell like rotting fish. European leaders say it reveals a deep-seated racial & chauvinist prejudice on the part of the largest glacier in East Antarctica ∙ Venus Williams is threatening new sanctions on Russia after pro-Russian rebels launched a deadly rocket attack on the Ukrainian port city of Mariupol ∙ U.S. President Barack Obama continued to play tennis.

the waterfall

accord

wednesday newstrip

This year's list of Oscar nominations has raised eyebrows in Hollywood & beyond, not least because, for just the second time since the turn of the Century, every nominee in the Academy's four acting categories was once taken prisoner by Japanese forces ∙ security guards have clashed with an antitrust class action lawsuit involving 64,000 former employees at the Manus Island Detention Center ∙ a Gold Coast nightclub kingpin facing drug-related charges has opened up on how his tight friendship with an iceberg that had turned a full 180 degrees to reveal its underside is pushing the Earth into a danger zone for humanity ∙ automotive advertising using asylum seekers on hunger strikes moved on a broad front to sweep up Switzerland ∙ Pope Francis has electrified Roman Catholics in the United States with the open, accepting tone he has brought to suspected radical science fiction.

The lighthouse

wednesday newstrip

Australia continues to slip down global internet speed rankings as sick Australians swamp emergency waiting rooms just like they do in the UK ∙ most primary school teachers in NSW lack the confidence & qualifications to teach attempted murder or torture ∙ Samantha Stosur has suffered yet another dose of the Sydney stutters after a Metro tunnel filled with smoke ∙ Toe Knee Ass-Bit faces a three-year ban for running a galloper with an elevated cobalt level in a Group 1 horse race during the spring carnival ∙ is now a good time to mention Boko Haram?

the distance

some yeah, send, words

from won des laits

bipolarbear

critischism

mucuslar

Medichichi

postulasted

laborinthine

renounerate

catharctic

Banksy responds to the Charlie Hebdo attack

wednesday newstrip

The Obama administration on Friday imposed a wave of sanctions against honey pots, hives, vehicles, & forklifts ∙ Toe Knee Ass-Bit has "categorically" denied allegations made in US court papers that he sexually abused a 30m by 50m shed in Alexandra, central Otago ∙ Jewish colonists last night pelted the tomb of a previously unknown Egyptian queen at a new year's barbecue for Australian airforce crews fighting Chinese steel prices ∙ members of the North Korean government claim they were used as sex slaves on Sun's South Pole ∙ Netflix was engulfed in flames when it tried to visit the West Bank to investigate a complaint by Palestinian farmers over vandalism of olive trees ∙ 2015 is the year of the dwarf planets.

Milton, in the afternoon

she stood,          & waited,          & also served   — tea, & cucumber sandwiches cut into small triangles.

is something happening here, mr jones?

. . . the sight of Mt Erebus erupting as the plane flew over Ross Island around 2am on New Year's Day
January 2 2015
Big volcanic eruption near Tonga's capital
December 30 2014
Popocatepetl volcano erupts in Mexico emitting gas & ash some two miles in the sky.
December 30 2014
A cloud of ash belched out by the Sheveluch volcano in Kamchatka is spreading 35 km.
December 30 2014.
Lava from Kilauea Volcano stopped short of hitting Pahoa Marketplace on Christmas day but it has resumed its movement on Saturday.
December 29 2014
Ash clouds from two active volcanoes in Guatemala prompted local air travel warnings yesterday.
December 27 2014
The eruption of Fogo volcano (Cape Verde) & the 3 lava flows (North, South and West), & the location of the destroyed settlements.
December 27 2014
Indonesia has temporarily closed a domestic airport after a volcano in the country's east erupted, spewing plumes of ash hundreds of meters .
December 19 2014
Turrialba Volcano, 60 km northeast of the Costa Rican capital erupted again Monday evening
December 9 2014
The United States Geological Survey (USGS) has provided November’s monthly update on the Yellowstone volcano & 119 earthquakes were registered in the area of Yellowstone National Park.
December 7 2014



see also: http://www.volcanodiscovery.com/home.html

geographies: Koolkuna

wednesday newstrip

Posts that describe an Australian man who was reportedly killed while fighting in Syria as a martyr can turn a good night into an average one, Foreign Minister Julienned Bishop says ∙ a senior leader of the al Qaeda-aligned al Shabaab militant group will turn his attention to entertainment of a different kind next year ∙ the U.S. military launched an air strike on Monday to end the occupation & create a Palestinian state ∙ a deal between Qatar & the Gulf states was fatally attacked by a shark just as traders locked in profits ∙ shares in Yahoo! have risen about 200 per cent since a girl was reportedly taken from her Brisbane home to undergo female genital mutilation in Africa.

The aperture

The channel

geographies: Isisford

wednesday newstrip

Media mogul Rude Pervert Merde-OK’s first tweet after the Sydney hostage crisis ended didn't mention the two innocent people who died in the terrifying ordeal—just a congratulatory shout-out to one of his tabloid newspapers, the Daily Telegraph, for rushing out a special 2pm edition, described by another source as "containing potentially one of the most vile, deliberately inflammatory, fundamentally wrong, & wholly speculative front covers in the sordid history of Australian print media" ∙ hackers claiming to be Anonymous leak New Zealand Police passwords in supposed retaliation for the mass coral spawning occuring on the Great Barrier Reef ∙ scientists say the Russian currency has made a large step towards developing an effective vaccine for dengue fever ∙ police are investigating the genomes of 45 bird species found in a suspicious package located in the canteen area of the Department of Foreign Affairs & Trade (DFAT) building in Canberra.

geographies: Kirknie

wednesday newstrip

A Conservative peer has apologized after suggesting hunger in Britain was caused in part by poor people being unable to cook ∙ the Federal Government has enlisted the Islamic State group to try to bring the troubled $8.5 billion Air Warfare Destroyer project — which is running more than two years late & as much as $600 million over budget — back on track ∙ Iraq is ready to send a significant number of Viking women to stop Ford's all-new V8 Mustang packing fewer horses than its American counterpart when it hits Australia late next year ∙ international media have pounced on a story about a New Zealand pastor who told a gay Christian that his lifestyle was "filthy" & he hoped he would kill himself ∙ imagine your surprise, minding your own business at the Washington airport, when suddenly Toe Knee Ass-Bit appears, traveling with his husband on a voyage of conquest.

geographies: Keebah

wednesday newstrip

Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit says gender-neutral children's toys have no place in society but that he has "no theological objection" to nuclear energy ∙ Ass-Bit has also said he had listened to the concerns of 50,000 'ghost soldiers' — who don't work or don't even exist but are still on the military payroll — about the potentially devastating impact of inbreeding on Rude Pervert Merde-OK’s new bible movie ∙ Ass-Bit has left the door open for further changes to his controversial paid parental leave scheme by showing a shocking video of little spotted kiwis fighting off eve-teasers on a Haryana Roadways bus ∙ a game of political chicken has weighed into the debate on Twitter about the high numbers of military families remaining on the East West Link ∙ do you really need to activate your nuts?

World AIDSday

wednesday newstrip

An electronic cigarette has been stealing information from governments & businesses since 2008, researchers said ∙ Art Gallery of SA director Nick Mitzevich has angrily denied there was evidence to suggest some of the works in its collection fled the country after being informed they would be arrested in a potentially lethal confrontation ∙ two paedophile senior teachers at an elite Hobart boys' school would need to gradually move away from mining coal if carbon capture & storage technologies do not prove successful ∙ New Zealand Security Intelligence Service director Rebecca Kitteridge is warning about the potential risks of "vaping" after an unidentified resident receiving oxygen therapy was injured by a fire sparked by a sophisticated cybersespionage tool ∙ the days of the yellow-crested rockhopper penguin could be numbered if police are trained to "shoot to wound."

Nostalgia creeps in

& rattles my hi-hat . . .

BALD EAGLE

Have you ever listened
to the way most
drummers sing? So
regular, so pedestrian,
a freight train held captive
by its tracks. It seems
they cannot forget
that they are drummers
so sit on the rhythm
of the song as if
scared of losing it
if they let go. Welcome
to the Hotel California.

fauxsimile

in th'wind

in th'new year

a line from Meritage Press

wednesday newstrip

'Jihadi John' suspect Abdel-Majed Abdel Bary, 24, has joined industry experts in warning of a looming global chocolate shortage ∙ an aspiring Kiwi film maker is having the last laugh after fooling a city council, a US talk show & thousands of people online with his video of a monster Toe Knee Ass-Bit flaunting his femininity in Melbourne on Tuesday night ∙ the best man at a stag party had to be pepper sprayed after becoming enraged that the Ass-Bit government has confirmed it will snub the United Nations Green Climate Fund to assist developing nations cope with global warming ∙ a new report has shown that Australia's ecosystems & habitats are under threat, with 138 species residing on an unprotected Kim Kardashian ∙ a change in the weather has triggered a public backlash after two women it hired as strippers pole-danced instead.

Toe Knee Ass-Bit indicates

what he really thinks about the people of Australia.

Tablets really are the new PCs

The car industry cannot stop making new cars
                     but
Nobody buys them because they are too expensive
                     so
I bought an electrical tricycle to
transport eggs with my wife
                     now
The monster will destroy this country

x-posted

wednesday newstrip

The population of certain animal species are on a decline since pictures posted on social media led police to search a house on Brisbane's southside where they found pre-boiled eggs ∙ the thing that gets Britney Spears out of bed in the morning is the need to create a creepy Russian website to broadcast her webcam to the world ∙ the Berlin Wall fell 25 years ago last Sunday, a key event in the collapse of communism & the preface to Germany's reunification landing on supermarket shelves ∙ an aggressive social media campaign pushing for a boycott on Halal products has forced Coca-Cola to drop the Christmas tour for its iconic truck ∙ under Toe Knee Ass-Bit, for the first time since Bob Hawke was Prom Minister, Australians' standard of living is going backward.

geographies: Hollister's Hill

Today the
postman brought
me a letter I
had written re-
plying to a letter
I had earlier
written to my-
self. I was so
disappointed to
find nothing
new in it.

Bein' a whale

since I did a cut & post of stuff from won des laits. So . . .

übergene

CDtROMbone

primightive

camouflagellation

indiscreate

ablotions

insolentils

escargot pants

archaiCtrl+Alt+Del

geographies: Mount Alma

wednesday newstrip

This morning we've caught our first full glimpse of what it'll look like to own a smartphone made by the burning of fossil fuels ∙ Burkina Faso's interim President Isaac Zida said on Monday that the army would cede power to a transition government headed by a consensual leader. Military personnel & their families started venting their frustrations online within hours ∙ Israeli-based cyber security company Radware has profited from a spate of attacks on The International Panel on Climate Change ∙ is a plant really a plant if it dazzles the audience with a series of costume changes & gorgeous gowns? ∙ allegations of police complicity in the abuse of children in care in dog fighting rings will make Australia stop by the end of the century ∙ Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit says coal is still the foundation of prosperity for now & the foreseeable future since, like Microsoft, it has no leaves, no roots, & grows underground.

conjunct

Issue #35 of Otoliths is now live

Issue thirty-five of Otoliths, this year’s southern spring issue, has just gone live.

It contains, as usual, an astounding range of text & visuals from Bobbi Lurie, harry k stammer, Volodymyr Bilyk, Virginia Luck, Sarah James, Roger Mitchell, Marilyn R. Rosenberg, Andrew Cantrell, Kyle Hemmings, Dennis Vannatta, Elizabeth Allen, Anders Enochsson, Marcia Arrieta, Seth Copeland, Craig Cotter, Demosthenes Agrafiotis, Pete Spence, Jim Meirose, Philip Byron Oakes, Eric Hoffman, Raymond Farr, Richard Kostelanetz, Reed Altemus, John M. Bennett, John M. Bennett & Diane Keys, John M. Bennett & Thomas M. Cassidy, Toby Fitch, Howie Good, Chris Brown, Jack Galmitz, Arpine Konyalian Grenier, Marco Giovenale, Carey Scott Wilkerson, Edewede Oriwoh, Texas Fontanella, John Martone, Mark Russell, Andrew Topel, Andrew Topel & Koji Nagai, William Allegrezza, Márton Koppány, Márton Koppány & Tamarin Norwood, Mary Cresswell, Cecelia Chapman & Jeff Crouch, Cecelia Chapman, Connor Stratman, Heath Brougher, Joseph Salvatore Aversano, Simon Perchik, John Lowther, Joe Milford, Willie Smith, Michael Ruby, Joe Balaz, sean burn, Jeff Harrison, Mercedes Webb-Pullman, Sarah Edwards, Jeffrey Jullich, Anne-Marie JEANJEAN, bruno neiva, Ivars Balkits, Katrinka Moore, John Pursch, SS Prasad, John W. Sexton, Hazel Smith, Tony Beyer, Bob Heman, Johannes S. H. Bjerg, Rosaire Appel, Angad Arora, Bogdan Puslenghea, Sabine Miller, Jake Goetz, Carla Bertola, Alberto Vitacchio, Tony Page, Michael Brandonisio, J. D. Nelson, Shokla Shankar, & Gian Luigi Braggio.

In addition there is a special feature, a portfolio entitled [6 x 1] + [1 x 6] made up of a poem from Eileen R. Tabios with responses to it from John Bloomberg-Rissman, Sheila E. Murphy, lars palm, Marthe Reed, Leny M. Strobel, & Anne Gorrick.

&, as usual, enjoy the variety.

wednesday newstrip

Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit publicly apologized to Miley Cyrus over comments he made comparing her to a stripper. "I was a bit of a cunt, I do feel bad about it as I'd be fucking livid if someone said that about me." — Ass-Bit later appeared channeling old Hollywood glamor as a battle-scared tank commander in a gold dress during a typically uncharismatic show in Tenterfield ∙ South Korean activists have succeeded in sending thousands of propaganda leaflets advertising the Hobbit finale The Battle Of The Five Armies across the border into North Korea ∙ Brad Pitt has moved to fix the “dog's breakfast” of cellphone laws by declaring his dislike for selfies while driving ∙ a person has been detained after an incident in central Edinburgh led to part of the city having to roll up their sleeves & make important compromises to meet the deadline for a global pact on curbing climate change ∙ the death toll from the ebola epidemic rose to 4922.

geographies: Jindarie

Out from Luna Bisonte Prods

http://www.johnmbennett.net/new-luna-bisonte-prods/

wednesday newstrip

A ventilation grate has released two German hostages after holding them for six months ∙ air strikes in Syria are designed to disrupt key elements of anti-terrorism legislation the US commander overseeing the war said yesterday ∙ police have seized a large cache of guns & ammunition during searches of the housing market arguing there were still parts of the market experiencing high demand ∙ someone described as being "mildly overweight" has taken full control of budget carrier Tigerair Australia, buying the balance 40% they did not already own for A$1 ∙ Miley Cyrus is over twerking, demonstrates her new signature dance, the Toe Knee Ass-Bit ∙ Australia's inaugural professor of poetry has been suspended for his racist & sexist language after a bizarre series of emails that didn’t even come near rhyming.

Gough Whitlam, 1916-2014

“No Prime Minister changed Australia more than Gough Whitlam . . . he did it in less than three years . . . established universal healthcare, nationalized higher education with free tuition, enacted an ambitious cultural agenda that continues to shape Australia to this day."

"In just three years, Australia was given a new national anthem, ditched the British honors system, & abolished the death penalty & national service. He was the first Australian prime minister to visit communist China & he granted independence to Papua New Guinea. Whitlam also passed the Racial Discrimination Act. His Government bought Blue Poles.”

Julia Gillard on Gough Whitlam: A man of the highest political courage, our former prime minister transformed Australia and we are in his debt

Today the
postman brought
me a refugee
camp. “What’s
this?” I asked
him. “It’s the cast-
off thousands you
said you wanted”
he replied.

geographies: Cleves

wednesday newstrip

The Samsung Smart Home has been found 17 days after it got lost in the bush in northern Queensland with no food ∙ Pop music's enfant terrible engaged in twerking, crotch grabbing & obscenity-littered dialogue with the audience at her concert last night before detonating an explosives-laden stomach bug ∙ it has been reported that advances in communication & social media have changed the way we interact with packaged carrots & lettuces ∙ a showdown is looming as Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit meets with his state & territory counterparts over the emergence of caves decorated at least 40,000 years ago with images of hands & primitive animals ∙ Kim Jong-un is missing & the internet is about to explode.

geographies: Archer River

geographies: Franklin

wednesday newstrip

Burqa-wearing visitors to Parliament House will only be allowed to view proceedings from enclosed galleries usually reserved for noisy school children ∙ Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit has expressed support for the burqa ban, saying he wishes women did not wear burqas, even if they were able to get the color & model they wanted from their chosen carrier ∙ the Prom Minister’s business adviser has called for a government-funded review of the Bureau of Meteorology (BoM) claiming that the Bureau needed to be investigated over allegations of “temperature manipulation” ∙ the Prom Minister is not calling the latest intervention in Iraq a 'war' but said the special forces soldiers would simply act as military advisers within the battalion headquarters of Iraqi or Peshmerga forces. However, defence experts have cast doubt on Mr. Ass-Bit's assertion that these military advisors would not be involved in battle ∙ foreign aid is set to be cut to help pay for military operations in Iraq & stronger national security at home, as the government hunts for new savings while standing by unpopular reforms ∙ critics say that Mr. Ass-Bit is playing to the crowd with what they call flawed political & foreign policy strategies.

geographies: Yarraman

client virtualization

There is a growing trend of parents giving implants & a set of projects based around lexical statistics to provide a flexible graphical environ-ment to assist their graduating 18-year-old adolescents in the retrieval of geo-spatial data.

geographies: Rathdowney

wednesday newstrip

The commander of Australian forces in the Middle East said taxpayers will be forced to pay hundreds of millions of dollars in compensation to the Police Union if air strikes are abandoned ∙ Japan's Meteorological Agency has warned that the weekend's deadly street blockades could be a precursor to further bursts of volcanic activity ∙ at least 13 people have been killed in the latest outbreak of fighting over the East West Link toll road as a three-week old ceasefire comes under increasing danger of collapse ∙ a man who defied a government call to abandon his large truck & trailer unit, saying they didn't have a legal case, was shot dead by motorists acting in self-defence at a busy petrol station forecourt in Brisbane's southwest ∙ a violent pimp who kept a New Zealander as a sex slave has been jailed for 27 years in Florida ∙ the nation's constitutional court watched in horror as an independence vote set for November ran over a cyclist, killing him instantly.

Today the
postman brought
me a trickle
down effect, &
the irrigation system
that ensures it.

rewriting the deed

“the Iavestoes hnd eaecoted a Letter of Imem with Robert Loric. the owner of [he Giams, to porchase the Giams for $115 million Puesuam to this Letter ol Imem”

Proof of porchase must be obtained from product porchased by you. No requests from groups, clubs or organizations will be honored.

return porchase lot. i purchased one lot and after purchase i fund out the lot has drainage and lot of poison ivi do i have right to return the land

0 Porchase Chinese jobs in Ontario, Canada available on Workopolis.com. Apply now and get the best Porchase Chinese job available.

香港多丽意有限公司深圳代表处最新招聘信息]诚聘采购助理Porchase Administator$renshu,工作地点位于深圳南山,公司规模50-99人,薪资待遇面议,工作经验,学历

geographies: Carstairs

geographies: Moss Vale

wednesday newstrip

The Sydney Opera House was declared the winner of Afghanistan's contested presidential election Sunday ∙ Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit has announced he will have a public toilet up & running in space by the year 2050 ∙ the largest climate-change demonstration in history, where more than 300,000 people marched through the streets of New York City, will be put under the microscope as part of a global philanthropic project aimed at contemporary architecture conservation ∙ Australians have been warned that their freedoms might have to be restricted for the sake of dirty politics ∙ consumer confidence has fallen amid signs that roasted peanuts are more likely to trigger an allergic reaction than raw peanuts ∙ the MAVEN spacecraft is approaching the upper atmosphere of Mars on a mission to study the physical condition of the high-profile mice that live there.

geographies: Parkside

geographies: Prudhoe Island

geographies: Ban Ban Springs

wednesday newstrip

In a sure sign that summer is inching closer, new research claims the tobacco industry is taking advantage of young adults' inability to make informed decisions ∙ Kim Kardashian & Kanye West took their one-year-old daughter to a hip-hop performance in a Victorian town on Saturday prompting rapper Toe Knee Ass-Bit to spit his dummy because of the competition & end the show ∙ a major undersea telecommunications cable that connects Australia & New Zealand to North America will likely join Iraqi troops out on the battlefield to direct air strikes & provide close mentoring on combat operations ∙ the chief executive of South Africa's Olympic committee says the United States National Security Agency has developed an artificial "biospleen" to filter hundreds of mushroom pickers in return for unusual payments to special forces soldiers ∙ Pizza Hut Australia has been forced to apologize for offering a "free small animal" to customers who purchased 10 large pizzas following a mass social media backlash.

Cu

geographies: Coburg

wednesday newstrip

NATO is set to reinvent itself for the 21st century, making the military alliance more prepared to respond quickly to any leaking of massive caches of sexually explicit celebrity nude photos ∙ the Australia stock market is lower after eating bananas or dried apricots ∙ footage of Islamic State beheadings which are rich in potassium can cut the risk of strokes & even death dramatically, according to UK reports ∙ the asylum seeker detention center on Manus Island is among the largest dinosaurs that ever lived ∙ a classic Hollywood whodunit has refuted analyst claims that it has taken its foot off the promotional pedal to boost profits ∙ detectives are investigating whether Russia is being 'wound down' ∙ the world is a step closer to a low-emission sheep.

geographies: Banister Bog

Today the
postman brought
me the end
of the world. It
whimpered at
me. Goddamned
Preacher. Spoiled
things for every
pyrotechnician.

wednesday newstrip

Emmy nominee Benjamin Netanyahu came away empty-handed this year despite his new long dark hair extensions ∙ the mysterious hacking collective known as "Lizard Squad" has taken responsibility for starting a chainsaw during a heated argument at a service station ∙ hundreds of motorists are falsely registering their cars as ambulances, avoiding paying more than $200 in fees ∙ Kylie Jenner is looking a lot more like her big sisters Kendall & Kim now that she's sporting a nail polish that can detect so-called date rape drugs in drinks simply by dipping a finger into the drink & stirring it ∙ Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit tells MPs he had to visit a cancer center so he could bill taxpayers for a trip to Melbourne ∙ girl, 9, kills instructor with Uzi. "An unfortunate industrial accident." That's how the operator of an Arizona shooting range describes the death.

fortuitously