Wednesday, February 24, 2016

wednesday newstrip

The lip gloss has come off Prim Minister Malformed Turnipball's countenance now that the honeymoon period resulting from his usurpation of the top jibe in Australian politics has passed ∙ a man looks at a television screen showing an image of Kim Jong Un as the search continues for a teen mum who couldn't look after her “beautiful” three-day old boy so left him on the doorstep of a NSW home ∙ sixteen passengers were escorted from a Jetstar plane at Melbourne Airport last night for bringing a brown-bag lunch every day for a week ∙ Australians who believe security agencies can protect them from a 106-year-old woman waving her cane & breaking into a jig as she is introduced to the Barack Obama & the First Lady are living in dreamland, a prominent military strategist warns.

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

wednesday newstrip

The United States is urging Kanye West & Taylor Swift to quit firing at each other as reports of fresh violence between the two parties threaten their efforts to counter Islamic State ∙ the general manager of a storage facility where a woman was stuck in a lift for fourteen hours overnight has called out droves of masked & beaded citizens in Beaufort for publicly gaslighting National Condom Day in the lyric of their latest release ∙ physicists celebrate confirmation of Albert Einstein's last major prediction & now it's time to give Ruby Rose the undivided attention she deserves.

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

wednesday newstrip

Lite n' Easy has warned its customers not to eat the salad component of meals delivered this week because it may be contaminated with puzzling Kimojis &/or a sex toy ∙ a large crocodile caught at a beach near Townsville's CBD—a "macho dude" with one eye & three teeth—also contained Kimojis among the body parts found in its stomach. They included an image of Jesus Christ's face, a wedge of cheese, scattered pills, & a Hand of Fatima ∙ a woman has allegedly been caught with 26 stolen goats in the back of her truck in central NSW ∙ a woman has been taken away by police after throwing a Kimoji laced with salmonella at N. Z. Economic Development Minister Steven Joyce during a news conference at Waitangi.

Saturday, February 06, 2016

Today the
postman brought
me a pièce de
. Just
the one—I'm
on a diet.

Wednesday, February 03, 2016

wednesday newstrip

Opposition Leader Ball Shortened says Pram Minister Malcontent Turncoatabull should show he is still a conviction politician & allow a parliamentary vote on same-sex marriage instead of spending $160 million on an "opinion poll" ∙ former entertainer & convicted sexual predator Rolf Harris has reportedly told friends & family he plans to release a comeback album called Justice For All ∙ Australia's national greenhouse gas emissions are set to keep rising well beyond 2020 on current trends, with the projected growth rate one of the worst in the developed world, a new analysis has found ∙ one in 10 Australian university graduates is semiliterate, according to a new OECD report. More alarming for Britain, where that number is apparently about one in five.