Wednesday, December 31, 2014

wednesday newstrip

Posts that describe an Australian man who was reportedly killed while fighting in Syria as a martyr can turn a good night into an average one, Foreign Minister Julienned Bishop says ∙ a senior leader of the al Qaeda-aligned al Shabaab militant group will turn his attention to entertainment of a different kind next year ∙ the U.S. military launched an air strike on Monday to end the occupation & create a Palestinian state ∙ a deal between Qatar & the Gulf states was fatally attacked by a shark just as traders locked in profits ∙ shares in Yahoo! have risen about 200 per cent since a girl was reportedly taken from her Brisbane home to undergo female genital mutilation in Africa.

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

wednesday newstrip

Media mogul Rude Pervert Merde-OK’s first tweet after the Sydney hostage crisis ended didn't mention the two innocent people who died in the terrifying ordeal—just a congratulatory shout-out to one of his tabloid newspapers, the Daily Telegraph, for rushing out a special 2pm edition, described by another source as "containing potentially one of the most vile, deliberately inflammatory, fundamentally wrong, & wholly speculative front covers in the sordid history of Australian print media" ∙ hackers claiming to be Anonymous leak New Zealand Police passwords in supposed retaliation for the mass coral spawning occuring on the Great Barrier Reef ∙ scientists say the Russian currency has made a large step towards developing an effective vaccine for dengue fever ∙ police are investigating the genomes of 45 bird species found in a suspicious package located in the canteen area of the Department of Foreign Affairs & Trade (DFAT) building in Canberra.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

wednesday newstrip

A Conservative peer has apologized after suggesting hunger in Britain was caused in part by poor people being unable to cook ∙ the Federal Government has enlisted the Islamic State group to try to bring the troubled $8.5 billion Air Warfare Destroyer project — which is running more than two years late & as much as $600 million over budget — back on track ∙ Iraq is ready to send a significant number of Viking women to stop Ford's all-new V8 Mustang packing fewer horses than its American counterpart when it hits Australia late next year ∙ international media have pounced on a story about a New Zealand pastor who told a gay Christian that his lifestyle was "filthy" & he hoped he would kill himself ∙ imagine your surprise, minding your own business at the Washington airport, when suddenly Toe Knee Ass-Bit appears, traveling with his husband on a voyage of conquest.

Wednesday, December 03, 2014

wednesday newstrip

Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit says gender-neutral children's toys have no place in society but that he has "no theological objection" to nuclear energy ∙ Ass-Bit has also said he had listened to the concerns of 50,000 'ghost soldiers' — who don't work or don't even exist but are still on the military payroll — about the potentially devastating impact of inbreeding on Rude Pervert Merde-OK’s new bible movie ∙ Ass-Bit has left the door open for further changes to his controversial paid parental leave scheme by showing a shocking video of little spotted kiwis fighting off eve-teasers on a Haryana Roadways bus ∙ a game of political chicken has weighed into the debate on Twitter about the high numbers of military families remaining on the East West Link ∙ do you really need to activate your nuts?

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

wednesday newstrip

An electronic cigarette has been stealing information from governments & businesses since 2008, researchers said ∙ Art Gallery of SA director Nick Mitzevich has angrily denied there was evidence to suggest some of the works in its collection fled the country after being informed they would be arrested in a potentially lethal confrontation ∙ two paedophile senior teachers at an elite Hobart boys' school would need to gradually move away from mining coal if carbon capture & storage technologies do not prove successful ∙ New Zealand Security Intelligence Service director Rebecca Kitteridge is warning about the potential risks of "vaping" after an unidentified resident receiving oxygen therapy was injured by a fire sparked by a sophisticated cybersespionage tool ∙ the days of the yellow-crested rockhopper penguin could be numbered if police are trained to "shoot to wound."

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Nostalgia creeps in

& rattles my hi-hat . . .

Have you ever listened
to the way most
drummers sing? So
regular, so pedestrian,
a freight train held captive
by its tracks. It seems
they cannot forget
that they are drummers
so sit on the rhythm
of the song as if
scared of losing it
if they let go. Welcome
to the Hotel California.

Friday, November 21, 2014

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

wednesday newstrip

'Jihadi John' suspect Abdel-Majed Abdel Bary, 24, has joined industry experts in warning of a looming global chocolate shortage ∙ an aspiring Kiwi film maker is having the last laugh after fooling a city council, a US talk show & thousands of people online with his video of a monster Toe Knee Ass-Bit flaunting his femininity in Melbourne on Tuesday night ∙ the best man at a stag party had to be pepper sprayed after becoming enraged that the Ass-Bit government has confirmed it will snub the United Nations Green Climate Fund to assist developing nations cope with global warming ∙ a new report has shown that Australia's ecosystems & habitats are under threat, with 138 species residing on an unprotected Kim Kardashian ∙ a change in the weather has triggered a public backlash after two women it hired as strippers pole-danced instead.

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Monday, November 17, 2014

Tablets really are the new PCs

The car industry cannot stop making new cars
Nobody buys them because they are too expensive
I bought an electrical tricycle to
transport eggs with my wife
The monster will destroy this country

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

wednesday newstrip

The population of certain animal species are on a decline since pictures posted on social media led police to search a house on Brisbane's southside where they found pre-boiled eggs ∙ the thing that gets Britney Spears out of bed in the morning is the need to create a creepy Russian website to broadcast her webcam to the world ∙ the Berlin Wall fell 25 years ago last Sunday, a key event in the collapse of communism & the preface to Germany's reunification landing on supermarket shelves ∙ an aggressive social media campaign pushing for a boycott on Halal products has forced Coca-Cola to drop the Christmas tour for its iconic truck ∙ under Toe Knee Ass-Bit, for the first time since Bob Hawke was Prom Minister, Australians' standard of living is going backward.

Monday, November 10, 2014

Today the
postman brought
me a letter I
had written re-
plying to a letter
I had earlier
written to my-
self. I was so
disappointed to
find nothing
new in it.

Saturday, November 08, 2014

Bein' a whale

since I did a cut & post of stuff from won des laits. So . . .








escargot pants


Wednesday, November 05, 2014

wednesday newstrip

This morning we've caught our first full glimpse of what it'll look like to own a smartphone made by the burning of fossil fuels ∙ Burkina Faso's interim President Isaac Zida said on Monday that the army would cede power to a transition government headed by a consensual leader. Military personnel & their families started venting their frustrations online within hours ∙ Israeli-based cyber security company Radware has profited from a spate of attacks on The International Panel on Climate Change ∙ is a plant really a plant if it dazzles the audience with a series of costume changes & gorgeous gowns? ∙ allegations of police complicity in the abuse of children in care in dog fighting rings will make Australia stop by the end of the century ∙ Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit says coal is still the foundation of prosperity for now & the foreseeable future since, like Microsoft, it has no leaves, no roots, & grows underground.

Saturday, November 01, 2014

Issue #35 of Otoliths is now live

Issue thirty-five of Otoliths, this year’s southern spring issue, has just gone live.

It contains, as usual, an astounding range of text & visuals from Bobbi Lurie, harry k stammer, Volodymyr Bilyk, Virginia Luck, Sarah James, Roger Mitchell, Marilyn R. Rosenberg, Andrew Cantrell, Kyle Hemmings, Dennis Vannatta, Elizabeth Allen, Anders Enochsson, Marcia Arrieta, Seth Copeland, Craig Cotter, Demosthenes Agrafiotis, Pete Spence, Jim Meirose, Philip Byron Oakes, Eric Hoffman, Raymond Farr, Richard Kostelanetz, Reed Altemus, John M. Bennett, John M. Bennett & Diane Keys, John M. Bennett & Thomas M. Cassidy, Toby Fitch, Howie Good, Chris Brown, Jack Galmitz, Arpine Konyalian Grenier, Marco Giovenale, Carey Scott Wilkerson, Edewede Oriwoh, Texas Fontanella, John Martone, Mark Russell, Andrew Topel, Andrew Topel & Koji Nagai, William Allegrezza, Márton Koppány, Márton Koppány & Tamarin Norwood, Mary Cresswell, Cecelia Chapman & Jeff Crouch, Cecelia Chapman, Connor Stratman, Heath Brougher, Joseph Salvatore Aversano, Simon Perchik, John Lowther, Joe Milford, Willie Smith, Michael Ruby, Joe Balaz, sean burn, Jeff Harrison, Mercedes Webb-Pullman, Sarah Edwards, Jeffrey Jullich, Anne-Marie JEANJEAN, bruno neiva, Ivars Balkits, Katrinka Moore, John Pursch, SS Prasad, John W. Sexton, Hazel Smith, Tony Beyer, Bob Heman, Johannes S. H. Bjerg, Rosaire Appel, Angad Arora, Bogdan Puslenghea, Sabine Miller, Jake Goetz, Carla Bertola, Alberto Vitacchio, Tony Page, Michael Brandonisio, J. D. Nelson, Shokla Shankar, & Gian Luigi Braggio.

In addition there is a special feature, a portfolio entitled [6 x 1] + [1 x 6] made up of a poem from Eileen R. Tabios with responses to it from John Bloomberg-Rissman, Sheila E. Murphy, lars palm, Marthe Reed, Leny M. Strobel, & Anne Gorrick.

&, as usual, enjoy the variety.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

wednesday newstrip

Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit publicly apologized to Miley Cyrus over comments he made comparing her to a stripper. "I was a bit of a cunt, I do feel bad about it as I'd be fucking livid if someone said that about me." — Ass-Bit later appeared channeling old Hollywood glamor as a battle-scared tank commander in a gold dress during a typically uncharismatic show in Tenterfield ∙ South Korean activists have succeeded in sending thousands of propaganda leaflets advertising the Hobbit finale The Battle Of The Five Armies across the border into North Korea ∙ Brad Pitt has moved to fix the “dog's breakfast” of cellphone laws by declaring his dislike for selfies while driving ∙ a person has been detained after an incident in central Edinburgh led to part of the city having to roll up their sleeves & make important compromises to meet the deadline for a global pact on curbing climate change ∙ the death toll from the ebola epidemic rose to 4922.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

wednesday newstrip

A ventilation grate has released two German hostages after holding them for six months ∙ air strikes in Syria are designed to disrupt key elements of anti-terrorism legislation the US commander overseeing the war said yesterday ∙ police have seized a large cache of guns & ammunition during searches of the housing market arguing there were still parts of the market experiencing high demand ∙ someone described as being "mildly overweight" has taken full control of budget carrier Tigerair Australia, buying the balance 40% they did not already own for A$1 ∙ Miley Cyrus is over twerking, demonstrates her new signature dance, the Toe Knee Ass-Bit ∙ Australia's inaugural professor of poetry has been suspended for his racist & sexist language after a bizarre series of emails that didn’t even come near rhyming.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Gough Whitlam, 1916-2014

“No Prime Minister changed Australia more than Gough Whitlam . . . he did it in less than three years . . . established universal healthcare, nationalized higher education with free tuition, enacted an ambitious cultural agenda that continues to shape Australia to this day."
"In just three years, Australia was given a new national anthem, ditched the British honors system, & abolished the death penalty & national service. He was the first Australian prime minister to visit communist China & he granted independence to Papua New Guinea. Whitlam also passed the Racial Discrimination Act. His Government bought Blue Poles.”

Julia Gillard on Gough Whitlam: A man of the highest political courage, our former prime minister transformed Australia and we are in his debt

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Today the
postman brought
me a refugee
camp. “What’s
this?” I asked
him. “It’s the cast-
off thousands you
said you wanted”
he replied.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

wednesday newstrip

The Samsung Smart Home has been found 17 days after it got lost in the bush in northern Queensland with no food ∙ Pop music's enfant terrible engaged in twerking, crotch grabbing & obscenity-littered dialogue with the audience at her concert last night before detonating an explosives-laden stomach bug ∙ it has been reported that advances in communication & social media have changed the way we interact with packaged carrots & lettuces ∙ a showdown is looming as Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit meets with his state & territory counterparts over the emergence of caves decorated at least 40,000 years ago with images of hands & primitive animals ∙ Kim Jong-un is missing & the internet is about to explode.

Wednesday, October 08, 2014

wednesday newstrip

Burqa-wearing visitors to Parliament House will only be allowed to view proceedings from enclosed galleries usually reserved for noisy school children ∙ Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit has expressed support for the burqa ban, saying he wishes women did not wear burqas, even if they were able to get the color & model they wanted from their chosen carrier ∙ the Prom Minister’s business adviser has called for a government-funded review of the Bureau of Meteorology (BoM) claiming that the Bureau needed to be investigated over allegations of “temperature manipulation” ∙ the Prom Minister is not calling the latest intervention in Iraq a 'war' but said the special forces soldiers would simply act as military advisers within the battalion headquarters of Iraqi or Peshmerga forces. However, defence experts have cast doubt on Mr. Ass-Bit's assertion that these military advisors would not be involved in battle ∙ foreign aid is set to be cut to help pay for military operations in Iraq & stronger national security at home, as the government hunts for new savings while standing by unpopular reforms ∙ critics say that Mr. Ass-Bit is playing to the crowd with what they call flawed political & foreign policy strategies.

Sunday, October 05, 2014

client virtualization

There is a growing trend of parents giving implants & a set of projects based around lexical statistics to provide a flexible graphical environ-ment to assist their graduating 18-year-old adolescents in the retrieval of geo-spatial data.

Wednesday, October 01, 2014

wednesday newstrip

The commander of Australian forces in the Middle East said taxpayers will be forced to pay hundreds of millions of dollars in compensation to the Police Union if air strikes are abandoned ∙ Japan's Meteorological Agency has warned that the weekend's deadly street blockades could be a precursor to further bursts of volcanic activity ∙ at least 13 people have been killed in the latest outbreak of fighting over the East West Link toll road as a three-week old ceasefire comes under increasing danger of collapse ∙ a man who defied a government call to abandon his large truck & trailer unit, saying they didn't have a legal case, was shot dead by motorists acting in self-defence at a busy petrol station forecourt in Brisbane's southwest ∙ a violent pimp who kept a New Zealander as a sex slave has been jailed for 27 years in Florida ∙ the nation's constitutional court watched in horror as an independence vote set for November ran over a cyclist, killing him instantly.

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Today the
postman brought
me a trickle
down effect, &
the irrigation system
that ensures it.

Monday, September 29, 2014

rewriting the deed

“the Iavestoes hnd eaecoted a Letter of Imem with Robert Loric. the owner of [he Giams, to porchase the Giams for $115 million Puesuam to this Letter ol Imem”

Proof of porchase must be obtained from product porchased by you. No requests from groups, clubs or organizations will be honored.

return porchase lot. i purchased one lot and after purchase i fund out the lot has drainage and lot of poison ivi do i have right to return the land

0 Porchase Chinese jobs in Ontario, Canada available on Apply now and get the best Porchase Chinese job available.

香港多丽意有限公司深圳代表处最新招聘信息]诚聘采购助理Porchase Administator$renshu,工作地点位于深圳南山,公司规模50-99人,薪资待遇面议,工作经验,学历

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

wednesday newstrip

The Sydney Opera House was declared the winner of Afghanistan's contested presidential election Sunday ∙ Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit has announced he will have a public toilet up & running in space by the year 2050 ∙ the largest climate-change demonstration in history, where more than 300,000 people marched through the streets of New York City, will be put under the microscope as part of a global philanthropic project aimed at contemporary architecture conservation ∙ Australians have been warned that their freedoms might have to be restricted for the sake of dirty politics ∙ consumer confidence has fallen amid signs that roasted peanuts are more likely to trigger an allergic reaction than raw peanuts ∙ the MAVEN spacecraft is approaching the upper atmosphere of Mars on a mission to study the physical condition of the high-profile mice that live there.

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

wednesday newstrip

In a sure sign that summer is inching closer, new research claims the tobacco industry is taking advantage of young adults' inability to make informed decisions ∙ Kim Kardashian & Kanye West took their one-year-old daughter to a hip-hop performance in a Victorian town on Saturday prompting rapper Toe Knee Ass-Bit to spit his dummy because of the competition & end the show ∙ a major undersea telecommunications cable that connects Australia & New Zealand to North America will likely join Iraqi troops out on the battlefield to direct air strikes & provide close mentoring on combat operations ∙ the chief executive of South Africa's Olympic committee says the United States National Security Agency has developed an artificial "biospleen" to filter hundreds of mushroom pickers in return for unusual payments to special forces soldiers ∙ Pizza Hut Australia has been forced to apologize for offering a "free small animal" to customers who purchased 10 large pizzas following a mass social media backlash.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

wednesday newstrip

NATO is set to reinvent itself for the 21st century, making the military alliance more prepared to respond quickly to any leaking of massive caches of sexually explicit celebrity nude photos ∙ the Australia stock market is lower after eating bananas or dried apricots ∙ footage of Islamic State beheadings which are rich in potassium can cut the risk of strokes & even death dramatically, according to UK reports ∙ the asylum seeker detention center on Manus Island is among the largest dinosaurs that ever lived ∙ a classic Hollywood whodunit has refuted analyst claims that it has taken its foot off the promotional pedal to boost profits ∙ detectives are investigating whether Russia is being 'wound down' ∙ the world is a step closer to a low-emission sheep.

Sunday, September 07, 2014

Today the
postman brought
me the end
of the world. It
whimpered at
me. Goddamned
Preacher. Spoiled
things for every

Wednesday, September 03, 2014

wednesday newstrip

Emmy nominee Benjamin Netanyahu came away empty-handed this year despite his new long dark hair extensions ∙ the mysterious hacking collective known as "Lizard Squad" has taken responsibility for starting a chainsaw during a heated argument at a service station ∙ hundreds of motorists are falsely registering their cars as ambulances, avoiding paying more than $200 in fees ∙ Kylie Jenner is looking a lot more like her big sisters Kendall & Kim now that she's sporting a nail polish that can detect so-called date rape drugs in drinks simply by dipping a finger into the drink & stirring it ∙ Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit tells MPs he had to visit a cancer center so he could bill taxpayers for a trip to Melbourne ∙ girl, 9, kills instructor with Uzi. "An unfortunate industrial accident." That's how the operator of an Arizona shooting range describes the death.

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Today the
postman brought
me a cast iron
alibi. I’d wanted
one in burnished
bronze, but this
was all I could get
at short notice.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

wednesday newstrip

The Australian arm of Rupert Murdoch’s News Corporation fired tear gas to disperse the Ebola virus & continuing losses at its flagship publication ∙ Nicki Minaj released the music video for Anaconda via her Twitter account at the stroke of midnight Wednesday but not before thousands of protesters grew increasingly desperate & set up camp in front of the Liberian Catholic Church ∙ the letters & numbers you entered did not match the image of serial paedophile priest Kevin O'Donnell ∙ the state's controversial network of heavily fortified marine parks & reserves is inadvertently threatening the raunchy antics of the Australian Taxation Office ∙ Kim Kardashian was quarantined last night in an effort to slow the spread of the star's anti-government seahorse populations ∙ more than half of 18-year-olds surveyed said it would be easier growing up if pornography was less easy to access for young people ∙ White House confirms James Foley video is authentic.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

wednesday newstrip

A Russian convoy of trucks carrying the Great Barrier Reef heads for Ukraine hoping to provide affordable finance to people who might otherwise risk falling into the clutches of loan sharks ∙ a World Health Organisation panel of medical ethics experts ruled on Tuesday that it is ethical to offer the southwest tip of Tahiti as a potential treatment in West Africa's deadly Ebola outbreak ∙ Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit is hoping the hidden cameras he set up in his apartment to film girls will strip out underperforming brands & designers from the store floor to make room for his own private label range∙ Treasurer Toe Cock-Knee has been accused of being out of touch after claiming that the poorest won't be hit by increases in petrol tax because they don't own cars ∙ The Pentagon is sending 130 more military advisers to northern Iraq to help local forces in their escalating fight against a colossal squid taking advantage of the current political crisis ∙ Fox News host Shepard Smith has apologized for calling Robin Williams a "coward" following the actor's death by suicide. Fortunately many soft-plastic brands offer great anchovy imitations.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

wednesday newstrip

A baby tuatara, captured on film as it hatched out of its egg, has weighed in on the medicinal marijuana debate ∙ police believe they are closing in on those responsible for a second tranche of changes to anti-terrorism laws after raiding an alpaca farm near Warwick on Tuesday ∙ a photo of the Middle Kingdom's largest seller of smartphones involved in a sex act with the Associate Health Minister has become the most viral selfie since Ellen & her buddies pulled out the iPhone on Oscar night ∙ Australia's new marine science flagship could spend half its time tied up at the dock through lack of funding to operate it ∙ a new “wholesome” picture book by two Michigan-based authors aims to show children the benefits of having parents who openly carry handguns.

Wednesday, August 06, 2014

wednesday newstrip

The largest shipping container ever launched into space has found more than 50 kilograms of porcelain toilets approximately 450 light-years from Earth ∙ an advisory board designed to promote cultural diversity in the workplace is preparing to receive American patients sickened with Ebola ∙ speculation is growing that Toe Knee Ass-Bit has significant sleep problems, with the drug methamphetamine, also known as ice, believed to be the leading cause ∙ Israel said its troops are searching for Benjamin Netanyahu who was seized at a "weird & wild" Gray Power meeting in Gaza ∙ police in Melbourne have found The Great Barrier Reef is sick after it allegedly tried to punch Orlando Bloom, the British actor ∙ a massive new coal mine, which was given final approval this week, has called for international intervention to prevent the asylum seekers at the center of a High Court battle being sent to Nauru after they declined to return to India.

Friday, August 01, 2014

Issue thirty-four of Otoliths is out.

The new issue of Otoliths is out.

Otoliths issue thirty-four is now live. Insert your own superlatives. In addition to September Poems, a long sequence from Ken Bolton, there's the usual ….. variety of work in a ….. variety of styles from a ….. variety of people—Anne Gorrick, Paul Pfleuger, Jr., Jessie Janeshek, Christopher Mulrooney, Richard Kostelanetz, Philip Byron Oakes, Steve Timm, Pete Spence, Thomas Michael Gillaspy, Jim Meirose, Jack Galmitz, John M. Bennett, Jim Leftwich, Jim Leftwich & John M. Bennett, Thomas M. Cassidy & John M. Bennett, Tom Beckett, Joe Balaz, B. T. Joy, Raymond Farr, Louise Landes Levi, SS Prasad, Philip Hammial, Cecelia Chapman, Bobbi Lurie, Pam Brown, Nicola Griffin, John McKernan, Natsuko Hirata, Shataw Naseri, Eileen R. Tabios, John Lowther, sean burn, Mary Kasimor & Susan Lewis, Stephen Nelson, Sheila E. Murphy, Michelle Greenblatt & Sheila E. Murphy, bruno neiva, Aditya Bahl, Andrew Topel, Leigh Herrick, Satu Kaikkonen, Andrew K. Peterson, Andrew Brenza, Marco Giovenale, Marcello Diotallevi, Jeff Harrison, David-Baptiste Chirot, Marcus Liljedahl, Felino A. Soriano, Jeremy Freedman, Carol Stetser, Johannes S. H. Bjerg, J. D. Nelson, Bob Heman, Francesco Levato, Mark Staniforth, Lakey Comess, Ong Sher Li, Kit Kennedy, Cherie Hunter Day, Texas Fontanella, Maureen Alsop, Marty Hiatt, Katrinka Moore, Owen Bullock, Joseph Salvatore Aversano, Susan Gangel & Terry Turrentine, Jake Goetz, Michael Brandonisio, Alice Allan, Chris D'Errico, sven staelens, Bogdan Puslenghea, Scott-Patrick Mitchell, Nurul Wahidah, Eric Hoffman, Spencer Selby, John Pursch, & Marilyn Stablein.

In addition, the print editions of issues thirty-one, thirty-two, thirty-three, &—be amazed—thirty-four are all now available from The Otoliths Storefront.

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

wednesday newstrip

Lily Allen, refloated for a price by salvage crews earlier this month, declares Temple University's Airport unsafe ∙ Australia bets big on coal as climate policy crumbles & a growing numbers of economic migrants from India start hiding their online activities ∙ a senior White House official noted: “Toe Knee Ass-Bit is an uncultured piranha who can successfully remove HIV from cultured human cells even when handcuffed to a rusting hulk" ∙ sightings of the bright orange & black monarch butterfly are few & far between this winter & the finger is being pointed at a group of 157 asylum-seekers held for weeks on the high seas on an Australian customs vessel ∙ most federal police officers will be required to apply for up to 40 jobs a month & work for the dole as part of an Instagram prank ∙ a 5-inch handset powered by a 1.2Ghz Quad-Core processor, Android 4.4 KitKat & 1GB of RAM docked at Voltri port in the Italian city of Genoa early Sunday.

Sunday, July 27, 2014

Today the
postman brought
me the shade of
Dylan Thomas
who stood in the
hallway & kept
on farting. Now I
know what was
meant by that
"when I was a
windy boy" thing
even though he got
the tense wrong.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

wednesday newstrip

Astronaut Tim Peake says he was incredibly impressed with the creative & mouth-watering dead parrots offered at the Night Noodle Markets ∙ a huge manhunt was underway last night for a man wanted in connection with the murder of the University of Newcastle's robot soccer team, the NUbots ∙ Alex Salmond's plan for an independent Scotland to share the pound with Israeli television stations brought suspicion & paranoia &, eventually, violence to Brazil ∙ a Bridlington guest house landlady takes energy from rocks & metal by feasting directly on their electrons ∙ the riches promised by exporting news of the Malaysia Airlines crash in eastern Ukraine may have a devastating impact on local industries but the Australian dollar is higher as markets recover from negotiating the dangers of wood heaters & the British Masterchef final.

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

wednesday newstrip

A purported sapphire front cover, which is rumored to be bound for Apple's upcoming 4.7-inch iPhone 6, has finally been broken by anatomical body parts made using a 3D printer ∙ Rupert Murdoch has called on Australians to stop building vast houses on seahorses & to be skeptical about Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit ∙ Pope Francis fears the local real-estate market will be saturated with pedophile marines following the bankruptcy of a local businessman ∙ a study done by researchers from the University of Victoria has suggested that reading online could make us stupid ∙ almost 50,000 X-rays taken at public hospitals on the Gold Coast have not been properly checked by Roman Catholic clerics ∙ a doctor who advised a woman to "self pleasure" as part of her treatment for an eating disorder will be reviewed by the Medical Council.

Saturday, July 12, 2014

A premature ejaculation

aka When a supposed fait accompli just didn't happen.

The image below is of today's issue of The Spectator Australia, a conservative journal supportive of Toe Knee Ass-Bit, printed, I'm guessing, a few days ago.

The text below is the introductory paragraph of a story from The Sydney Morning Herald of 7/10/14 detailing what actually happened.
The Senate has voted down the government’s third attempt to repeal the carbon tax after a chaotic morning in which the Palmer United Party backed out of its agreement to support the bills.