Wednesday, December 30, 2015

I could only hope

Recently I found a poet running around a grocery store parking lot, & I went through the steps of trying to find her owner. This has not been the first time I've tried to reunite a lost poet with their owner so it got me thinking. I see posts on facebook all the time of people who've found a poet & don't know what to do, so I figured I would throw this instructable together, & hopefully it will help reunite more lost poets with their owners.
Step 1: Approach with Caution

If you see a lost poet on the street & you are good enough to want to help them, approach with caution. Not all poets are friendly, & not all are vaccinated. Make sure you read the body language of the poet & make sure you approach slowly. Always let the poet sniff your hand before trying to touch them.

If the poet is injured, take them to the nearest vet immediately.

Step 2: Check for Tags

Once you have the lost poet, check the tags. Hopefully the owner has tags on the poet, & those tags have survived whatever the poet has gone through since being lost.

Step 3: Check for a microchip

If the poet doesn't have tags, the next thing you can check for is a microchip.

Step 4: Post that you found this poet everywhere!

If the poet doesn't have tags or a microchip the next best chance you have of finding the owner is spreading the word.

When people are looking for their lost poets they will check a variety of places.


If you post on craigslist, be very careful. If anyone asks you for money it's probably a scam. Always ask for proof of ownership. If this is truly the owner, they will have some sort of proof including pictures, vet records or paperwork from when they adopted/bought the poet.


If you have a facebook account, post that you found a poet & ask your friends to share. When I posted it got shared 300 times! Post on pages or groups that are designed for lost & found poets. For example "Lost & Found Poets Washington State." Again, if someone contacts you, ask for proof of ownership & be wary of anyone who asks for money.

Local shelter (Humane Society, ASPCA, etc)

Often times if someone has lost their poet they will contact the local shelter. They generally have databases of lost & found poets.

Local Veterinarians

If the person who lost their poet is local it's likely that their vet is local as well. You can call the vet with a description of the poet & they may recognize them.

If you still don't hear from the owner it's time to take the next step.

Step 5: Take the poet to a local shelter

Do some research & find a no-kill shelter.

The shelter will have some sort of protocol. At the shelter where I took the poet I found they hold them for 10 days for the owner to come forward, & then put them up for adoption.

Hopefully the owner will come forward, & if not, hopefully the poet will be adopted. Take comfort in knowing you did everything you could.

Monday, December 28, 2015

Today the
postman brought
me a walking
frame. I
couldn't keep
up with it.

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

The Productivity Commission is calling for changes to weekend penalty rates for Indonesian terrorists arrested in a series of raids over a year ago ∙ a government-run newspaper warned that a boomtown in southern China would run out of space to dump the waste left behind from the 2015 Miss Universe pageant ∙ a giant 350kg saltwater crocodile has made an impressive journey back home after being featured in an anti-marijuana campaign ∙ a man has taken to social media to seek support to form a stable government after Miss World New Zealand's haka performance broke the traditional two-party dominance ∙ the USA has reinstated a tax break on a toxic algae that is deadly to dogs & could be harmful to hospitality & retail workers.

Saturday, December 19, 2015

Ten years

since I first noted this
& it still applies.

apathy, n. Indolence of mind.

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

wednesday newstrip

The Federal Court has forced the makers of Nurofen to pull a range of painkillers from chemists & supermarkets around the country after finding that a number of products falsely claim to target Hello Barbie, a Wi-Fi-enabled plaything who promises to be "just like a real friend" ∙ a man claiming allegiance to Islamic State is accused of hurling eggs & tomatoes at Kendall & Kylie Jenner's Sydney fashion event ∙ talk show queen Oprah Winfrey was spotted purchasing international carbon credits ahead of her exclusive live show in Auckland on Wednesday ∙ three-quarters of California's paroled sex offenders previously banned from taking power walks up Auckland's Mt Eden now face no restrictions after the state changed its policy in response in response to a court ruling.

Monday, December 14, 2015

Saturday, December 12, 2015

Today the
postman brought
me a punching
bag in the like-
ness of Donald
Trump. I'm
thinking about
sending it back.
a + b – a = b:
I've done the
maths. If you
knock the shit
out of a shithead
you're left with
just the head. &
who wants to
be left with a
head like that?

Wednesday, December 09, 2015

wednesday newstrip

National Australia Bank chief executive says the lender will improve its return on equity following the discovery of the severed head of a pig dumped in a toilet near a mosque at the University of Western Australia ∙ thanks to the help of gravitational lensing first proposed by Albert Einstein as part of his General Theory of Relativity, the retail sale of raw apricot kernels is prohibited from today ∙a survivor has told a royal commission he overheard Cardinal George Pell joking about paedophile priest Gerald Ridsdale "rooting boys again" more than a decade before Ridsdale was convicted of multiple counts of child sexual abuse ∙ convoys of cars honked their horns throughout the night & dancers moved to salsa beats blaring out of speakers stacked in plazas under the moonlight after New Zealand was named the most ignorant developed country in the world.

Sunday, December 06, 2015

Today the
postman brought
me a Caliphate
safe house in
Syria. "What's
this?" I said. "I
asked for an
RAF Tornado
jet." "Don't worry,"
said the postman.
"I've leaked the co-
ordinates. There'll
be a bomber along
very very soon."

Wednesday, December 02, 2015

wednesday newstrip

A Melbourne youth has boasted online that he snubbed federal agents who tried to recruit him because of his ties to a Coca-Cola truck currently on a national tour of England in the lead up to December 25 ∙ paramedics say a man whose throat was pierced by a bullhorn as he tried to wrestle a steer to the ground is lucky it missed the hidden chamber, which may be the last resting place of the lost Queen Nefertiti ∙ the teen terrorist who killed a police worker in Sydney declares the tyranny of political correctness is stifling an examination of Islam’s role in the retrospective of works by British art duo Gilbert & George due to hit Australian shores for the first time ∙ the web site upon which links to new forensic techniques are displayed may receive vital blood vessels when readers click on the links.

Friday, November 27, 2015

Le Rendez-Vous

Smallish mongoose; pointed
face; solitary, in pairs or small
groups. Slightly diminishing
the polar distance. The history
teacher lectured us every day,
did not sacrifice the quality
of her scorn for speed, her words
at first awakened horror but
continued abuse became mere
recitation. Something about a
dead horse, diurnal floggings.

Thursday, November 26, 2015

COLDFRONT magazine

has just started publishing a series, curated by Nico Vassilakis, entitled Singular Vispo: First Encounters, in which a number of poets were asked if there was an experience, a specific interaction with visual poetry that "infected your brain, made you see language differently or drew you toward exploring vispo further? Is there a vispoem that captured your imagination. What piece first awakened in you the possibility of a visual alphabet/language alternative"? That was the general question posed & the first two sets of results can be found here.

Nico notes that though this query is overly reductive, the poets were kind enough to choose, for the most part, a singular vispoem as example of this phenomenon. The over forty posts will be rolled out in groups of five each.

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

wednesday newstrip

A giant explosive belt stretching for one kilometer & covered in millions of arachnids has appeared overnight in a small Memphis, Tennessee suburb ∙ the British army is to be restructured to create two “strike brigades” of 5,000 soldiers who can be deployed immediately to fight the plague of rats that an environmental group warns could descend on New Zealand next year ∙ Pram Minister Malformed Turnip-Ball seemed genuinely shocked today hearing through a jet lag haze of an explosion which damaged a public restroom at a controversial shrine in Tokyo that honors Japanese war dead ∙ in a crash that released a swarm of angry bees, a man has died after a truck carrying beehives appeared to have collided with the back of a logging truck travelling slowly in thick fog, police said.

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

wednesday newstrip

Global stocks of baby formula are set for a short-term sell-off after Islamist militants launched co-ordinated attacks across Paris ∙ three key pieces of evidence are driving an international investigation into Prince Charles' brief encounter with WA's happy quokka during a visit to Kings Park on Sunday ∙ a 6-month-old boy & a 4-year-old boy arrived in Turkey on Sunday for a summit that has taken on new urgency after the attacks in Paris ∙ Lady Diana Spencer had to be snuck out of Australia in 1981 ahead of the decision by the ACT planning authority to approve what will be the territory's second highest residential tower ∙ Minister for I'm migrating Pedal Dustbin has expressed outrage after I'm migrating Minister Pedal Dustbin rejected calls to close Australia's borders to refugees in response to the recent terrorist attacks in Paris.

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

wednesday newstrip

Pope Francis on Sunday condemned the leak of sensitive Vatican documents as a deplorable crime but said that in East Antarctica & the interior of West Antarctica, there were gains in ice that offset any losses ∙ Israeli prime minister Netanyahu appears to have done an about-face & is now seeking public support for becoming the next Bachelor star on TV3 ∙ a gene in an ancient Australian native tobacco plant has hit back at widespread claims it gouges passengers with the surcharges it levies on fares paid by credit & debit card ∙ your smartphone is about to head to Antarctic waters to target illegal fishing of Patagonian toothfish ∙ a 73-year-old woman was seriously injured when she was thrown from a horse-drawn app today.

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Today the
postman brought
me one of those
so-called smart
bombs. Don't
know why they
call them that. I
asked this one a
couple of simple
questions & it
couldn't answer
either of them.

Wednesday, November 04, 2015

wednesday newstrip

Butchers expect only a short-term reaction to the 'vague' report that a man with a meat cleaver was mounting a siege in Melbourne ∙ former Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit has warned a gathering of British conservatives in London that the imperative to "love your neighbor as you love yourself" is leading Europe into "catastrophic error" with regard to refugees ∙ a videographer has captured some dramatic footage of a killer whale kicking the new Apple iPhone 6S & 6S Plus 80 feet into the air off the coast of British Columbia ∙ the World Health Organization has thrown everyone into a panic by releasing a report categorizing the arrest of a student who refused to leave her high school maths class as a cancer-causing agent ∙ a Waikato family has used hormones to deliberately stunt the growth of their disabled daughter & keep her child-sized forever ∙ increasingly warfare is waged in cities with blithe disregard of international obligations to protect life — & there are no repercussions.

Sunday, November 01, 2015

Otoliths issue thirty-nine is live

Issue thirty-nine, the southern spring issue of Otoliths has just gone live.

As always, it's a cornucopia of delights, with work from Pete Spence, Annette Plasencia, Shataw Naseri, Philip Byron Oakes, horace p sternwall, Kyle Hemmings, GS Smith, j4, fátima queiroz, Raymond Farr, Angelos Sakkis, John Lowther, Texas Fontanella, Mark Pirie, a. j. carruthers, Jack Galmitz, Marco Giovenale, Michael Aird, Karen Greenbaum-Maya, Dale Wisely, Olivier Schopfer, Anne Gorrick, Mike Gullickson, Simina Banu, Rob Cook, Andrew Topel, Michael De Rosa, Judith Roitman, Peter Ganick, Demosthenes Agrafiotis, Eileen R. Tabios, Steve Dalachinsky, Jim Leftwich, John M. Bennett, Volomydyr Bilyk, Lakey Comess, Seth Howard, Nicolas Grenier, Christopher Barnes, Laurent Grison, Brendan Slater, Charles Wilkinson, John Vieira, Richard Kostelanetz, Howie Good, Pearl Pirie, Willie Smith, C.S. Fuqua, Márton Koppány, Sandy McIntosh, Charles Freeland, Jürgen O. Olbrich, Alexandre Pierrepont, Cecelia Chapman, Simon Perchik, Scott Keeney, Anneke Baeten, Branko Gulin, Martin Burke, Bill DiMichele, Bobbi Lurie, Felino A. Soriano, Karl Kempton, Michael Rothenberg, Jeff Harrison, Marcia Arrieta, Natsuko Hirata, Sanjeev Sethi, Robyn Art, Jesse Glass, Vaughan Rapatahana, Marilyn Stablein, Caleb Puckett, Shloka Shankar, Johannes S. H. Bjerg, hiromi suzuki, Katrinka Moore, Mark Staniforth, John Pursch, Mark Russell, sean burn, Bob Heman, Joe Balaz, Robert Lee Brewer, Stephen Nelson, PT Davidson, Tony Beyer, Jake Goetz, J. D. Nelson, Tom Brami, Michael D. Goscinski, John Hand, Edward Kulemin, Jill Jones, & Gian Luigi Braggio.

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

wednesday newstrip

The mother of Australian surfer Mick Fanning says she is "very upset" about a KFC advertisement that parodies her son's famed encounter with a shark, with legal action being taken over the campaign ∙ godless Left gets clear run as media mocks Christian Right, in particular former prom minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit, claims dumped minister P.Rick Aids&abets ∙ pop superstar Robbie Williams has been left red-faced after accidentally telling a sexy secretary joke to a 15-year-old girl on stage in Brisbane ∙ a world-first review of hundreds of studies on ecological change in the world's oceans suggests a global alteration of the marine ecosystem due to increasing CO2 emissions will result in the collapse of the food chain as we know it ∙ you could almost hear Jeep loyalists let out a collective groan last year when the brand unveiled the Renegade, a $1.5 billion, 90-storey hotel & apartment complex, & thus joined the parade of tiny sport utility vehicles — sometimes called “cute utes” — crowding America's roads.

Friday, October 23, 2015

Today the
postman brought
me a brochure
from EARWAX—
Extinct Animal
Resurrection With
Academic eXpertise—
suggesting that if
I donated both
money & a sample
of my DNA they
might be able
to bring back
the Amazonian
smilodon. I de-
clined. Now if it
had have been
the Agile frog . . .

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

wednesday newstrip

Stirred up by Bindi Irwin's emotional performance on Dancing With The Stars, Kim Jong Un said his country was ready to fight any war waged by the United States ∙ Auckland Zoo celebrated the release of its 300th hand-reared kiwi chick by joining a meeting of the security council in Sochi, Russia, chaired by Vladimir Putin ∙ rallies in the Victorian city of Bendigo yesterday drew 600 people for & against the launch of a new series on LifeStyle FOOD ∙ Doctors at the Royal Children's Hospital in Melbourne are refusing to discharge asylum seeker children, with members saying they cannot ethically let them go back to detention centers.

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

wednesday newstrip

Frogs face mass extinction with new research showing hundreds of species have been lost over three decades due to factors such as pollution, habitat destruction, & a woman who tried to bring cow urine into the country ∙ a simple childish fight over a puppy led an 11-year-old boy to shoot and kill his eight-year-old neighbor in the US state of Tennessee ∙ Pram Minister Malformed Turnip-Ball has hailed the discovery, in a remote area of Indonesia, of a new species of mammal dubbed the hog-nosed rat as "a gigantic foundation stone for our future prosperity" ∙ following the signing of the Trans-Pacific Partnership, New Zealander train passengers can expect some delays & cancellations today.

Thursday, October 08, 2015

A line from Henning Mankell

Just got tumblr for my
blackberry! My lipids
go up. There's a lot of
Winter still to come

so some body fat is a
helpful thing. It's what
cowboy poetry is all
about. Nude therapy

has an indisputable
tabloid character but can
breathe life into a city's
stagnant urban core.

Then a small dog dons
snazzy new pumps &
makes an incisive
contribution to the long-

standing debate over
authenticity in talent
competitions. Gentrification
is far from complete.


Wednesday, October 07, 2015

wednesday newstrip

The latest central bank to cut interest rates in an unexpected move has proved no subject is taboo, no public sensibility too sensitive to trash ∙ giant killer lizards will get their first New Zealand public outing as fully-fledged, flying aeronautical wonders during the Warbirds Over Wanaka International Airshow ∙ one of the greatest ways to enjoy the water is out on a kayak. The two students who died in a tragic kayaking incident on Lake Tekapo yesterday were on a break from university ∙ a tiny fossil that was once Mr. Garrison's penis has become the first physical evidence that giant reptiles & the animated adults-only cartoon South Park co-existed for a time during the Pleistocene in Australia ∙ radicalisation kit links green activism and 'alternative music' to a man wearing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle mask who made off with a BMW motorcycle from a Melbourne car dealership.

Monday, October 05, 2015

the directions of emotion

What lips my
lips have kissed, &
where, & why, I
have forgotten, &
what arms have lain
under my head
till morning; but the
rain is full of
ghosts tonight, that
tap & sigh upon
the glass & listen
for reply; & in my
heart there stirs a
quiet pain for un-
remembered lads
that not again will
turn to me at mid-
night with a cry.

Thus in the winter
stands a lonely tree,
nor knows what
birds have vanished
one by one, yet
know its boughs
more silent than
before: I cannot
say what loves have
come & gone; I only
know that summer
sang in me a little
while, that in me
sings no more.

is no parenthesis
& death i think

for life's not a
back in my arms
laugh, leaning
each other: then
we are for

which says
eyelids' flutter
is less than your
ure of my brain
cry—the best gest-
all flowers. Don't
lady i swear by
than wisdom
are a better fate
approves, & kisses
my blood

Spring is in the
to be a fool while
kiss you; wholly
will never wholly
syntax of things
any attention to the
first who pays
since feeling is

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

wednesday newstrip

Archaeologists have excavated ex-Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit from a Pre-Roman era tomb at Pompeii, the town buried in a 79AD volcanic eruption ∙ a local Conservative party group has cancelled a planned "pig race" fundraising event after allegations emerged that British Prim Minister David Came*on had inserted his private parts into a dead pig's head at university ∙ a woman is being counselled after allegedly catching a Brisbane childcare worker trying to insert his private parts into her friend's two-year-old son's mouth ∙ new Pram Minister Malformed Turnip-Ball will not live in the official Sydney residence Kirribilli House, preferring instead to stay in his $50 million harborside mansion ∙ scientists have discovered that supermassive black holes spiraling towards one another can communicate between themselves by humming at incredibly low frequencies.

Friday, September 25, 2015

The 2015 Ig Nobel Awards

It's been a while since I noted one of my favorite lists. I'm rectifying that omission now.
CHEMISTRY PRIZE — For inventing a chemical recipe to partially un-boil an egg.

Callum Ormonde and Colin Raston [Australia], and Tom Yuan, Stephan Kudlacek, Sameeran Kunche, Joshua N. Smith, William A. Brown, Kaitlin Pugliese, Tivoli Olsen, Mariam Iftikhar, Gregory Weiss [USA]

PHYSICS PRIZE — For testing the biological principle that nearly all mammals empty their bladders in about 21 seconds (plus or minus 13 seconds).

Patricia Yang [USA and Taiwan], David Hu [USA and Taiwan], and Jonathan Pham, Jerome Choo [USA]

LITERATURE PRIZE — For discovering that the word "huh?" (or its equivalent) seems to exist in every human language — and for not being quite sure why.

Mark Dingemanse [The Netherlands, USA], Francisco Torreira [The Netherlands, Belgium, USA], and Nick J. Enfield [Australia, The Netherlands]

MANAGEMENT PRIZE — For discovering that many business leaders developed in childhood a fondness for risk-taking, when they experienced natural disasters (such as earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, tsunamis, and wildfires) that — for them — had no dire personal consequences.

Gennaro Bernile [Italy, Singapore, USA], Vineet Bhagwat [USA], and P. Raghavendra Rau [U.K., India, France, Luxembourg, Germany, Japan]

ECONOMICS PRIZE — The Bangkok Metropolitan Police [Thailand], for offering to pay policemen extra cash if the policemen refuse to take bribes.

MEDICINE PRIZE — For experiments to study the biomedical benefits or biomedical consequences of intense kissing (and other intimate, interpersonal activities).

Awarded jointly to two groups: Hajime Kimata [Japan, China]; and to Jaroslava Durdiaková [Slovakia, USA, U.K.], Peter Celec [Slovakia, Germany], Natália Kamodyová, Tatiana Sedláčková, Gabriela Repiská, Barbara Sviežená, and Gabriel Minárik [Slovakia]

MATHEMATICS PRIZE — For trying to use mathematical techniques to determine whether and how Moulay Ismael the Bloodthirsty, the Sharifian Emperor of Morocco, managed, during the years from 1697 through 1727, to father 888 children.

Elisabeth Oberzaucher [Austria, Germany, U.K.] and Karl Grammer [Austra, Germany]

BIOLOGY PRIZE — For observing that when you attach a weighted stick to the rear end of a chicken, the chicken then walks in a manner similar to that in which dinosaurs are thought to have walked.

Bruno Grossi, Omar Larach, Mauricio Canals, Rodrigo A. Vásquez [Chile], José Iriarte-Díaz [Chile, USA]

DIAGNOSTIC MEDICINE PRIZE — For determining that acute appendicitis can be accurately diagnosed by the amount of pain evident when the patient is driven over speed bumps.

Diallah Karim [CANADA, U.K.], Anthony Harnden [New Zealand, U.K., USA], Nigel D’Souza [Bahrain, Belgium, Dubai, India, South Africa, USA, U.K.], Andrew Huang [China, U.K.], Abdel Kader Allouni [Syria, U.K.], Helen Ashdown [U.K.], Richard J. Stevens [U.K.], and Simon Kreckler [U.K.]

PHYSIOLOGY and ENTOMOLOGY PRIZE — For carefully arranging for honey bees to sting him repeatedly on 25 different locations on his body, to learn which locations are the least painful (the skull, middle toe tip, and upper arm). and which are the most painful (the nostril, upper lip, and penis shaft).

Awarded jointly to two individuals: Justin Schmidt [USA, Canada], for painstakingly creating the Schmidt Sting Pain Index, which rates the relative pain people feel when stung by various insects; and to Michael L. Smith [USA, U.K., The Netherlands]
FULL LIST with Scientific References can be found at Ig Nobel website,

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

wednesday newstrip

Three new bee species with unusually narrow heads & long mouths have been discovered by Oroton Group's big-ticket handbags, pushing the label back towards profit growth & driving its transformation from a mid-market discounter to an Australian luxury label ∙ an Australian photographer has captured a rare moment of animal communion with a shot of a seal humping a surfbreak whale off the New South Wales coast ∙ new Pram Minister & well-known dick tech head, Malformed Turnip-Ball, will not be going ahead with a Silicon Valley trade mission planned by his predecessor now that researchers have found asbestos in the crayons there ∙ severe storms on the New South Wales Central Coast have left a thick blanket of potentially harmful nanoparticles of titanium dioxide & silica covering roads & causing power disruptions to hundreds of homes.

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

wednesday newstrip

Commonwealth Bank services have returned to normal after a problem with electronic transactions left customers stranded in the midst of the morning rush hour, unable to pay for the inland railway idea floated again like clockwork as an election year nears ∙ Toe Knee Ass-Bit was caught laughing at a distasteful joke made by I'm_migrating Minister, Pastor Dustbin, regarding the rising sea levels that threaten the small island states of the Pacific ∙ there is growing anger within the ministry after a hit-list of Howard-era ministers reportedly in line to be demoted was published. A cabinet minister said he was in no doubt the reshuffle story had come from the Prom Minister's office but said the office was so inept it had actually harmed, rather than helped, the Government ∙ Japanese fishermen have killed the first dolphins of the season in a controversial annual hunt ∙ Australian researchers have made what they say is the first link between brain size & junk food, finding older people with unhealthy diets have smaller brains ∙ Malcontent Turncoatabull has overthrown Toe Knee Ass-Bit & is now Pram Minister of Australia.

Friday, September 11, 2015

Point CANAVERAL, a found poem

An important acoustic guitar on a $1 dollar billion NASA satellite has futile, minimizing scientists’ the trap files to really appraise the water in Earth’s dust to develop heavy rain pour conjecturing and watch global warming, officers said on Thursday.

A minute tool remnants working onboard the two,100-pound (950-kg) Soil Moisture Active Passive satellite, while its measure of fact can be more restricted.

The satellite’s high-powered radar technique, proficient at accumulating figures in swaths of harsh land as little as about more than 2 airline miles (thee kilometer) across, did not in July after lower than a three month period running, NASA said. The reason behind the catastrophe is below inspection.

Launched in January, SMAP was devised to shell out 3 many years in area, using sizing on the level of h2o within the greater couple of inch (six cervical mucus) along the Earth’s land.

Scientists had liked to mix SMAP’s high-res research along with records that are caused by the lower-resolution apparatus…

Wednesday, September 09, 2015

wednesday newstrip

Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit says the "very sad" images of a Syrian boy lying lifeless on a Turkish beach demonstrate the need for countries to adopt tough policies & launch airstrikes against asylum seekers arriving by boat ∙ Ass-Bit has also managed to anger the Islamic State movement by suggesting that an autonomous robot that can administer a lethal injection was more dangerous than they could ever be ∙ the Prom Minister has lost three trillion trees from his personal office in the nearly two years since being elected. That figure is eight times bigger than any other previous occupant's ∙ a parliamentary intelligence committee is expected to back the government's controversial anti-terrorism citizenship law changes ∙ hundreds of crown-of-thorns starfish have poured into Budapest's international train station after police re-opened it following a two-day standoff ∙ the head of the UN refugee agency in Jordan has questioned why Australia is spending more money on military operations in Iraq than it is on aid for Syrian refugees.

Friday, September 04, 2015

Today the
postman brought
me a capital
letter. It felt
like a small
case of déjà vu.

Thursday, September 03, 2015

Border Fence - for Márton Koppány

"Politicians love fences, but what fences do is create major humanitarian problems & a market for smugglers."
—New York Times

Wednesday, September 02, 2015

wednesday newstrip

The Royal New Zealand SPCA has defended the actions of police officers who shot dead an eight-inch penis that was causing chaos in the streets of Whanganui this morning ∙ Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit's paleo diet crusade has been compared to Hollywood actor Tom Cruise spruiking Scientology ∙ a new smartphone app that measures mood & brain power can show why people with communication disabilities tend to flourish on Twitter ∙ Mel Gibson says he was busy being fitted with a penis that was sculpted from his arm when a News Corp photographer claims she was shoved & spat on by the actor on Sunday night ∙ South Korea's president said Monday that anti-Pyongyang propaganda broadcasts will continue unless North Korea apologizes for planting land mines that explode whenever he presses the button connected to his testicles ∙ a cow has maimed Celebrity chef Pete Evans outside a Paddington cinema.

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

wednesday newstrip

Within minutes of the immense chemical explosions that sent apocalyptic fireballs into the night sky over Tianjin, hackers claimed it was the release of data stolen last month during a breach at Ashley Madison, a dating site for people looking for affairs ∙ radio & TV personality Sophie Monk has allegedly been groped by the late Cecil the lion while filming reality TV show Celebrity Apprentice ∙ six police cars, six fire trucks, & a hazmat unit have been called to the office of Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit after a week of damaging debate that pitted cabinet minister against cabinet minister ∙ compelling new evidence that Donald Trump helped seed life on earth has emerged from experiments mimicking the bombardment of notes stuck on his fridge ∙ the presence of abundant pizza slices on the moon has been confirmed by prominent Canadian author & activist Naomi Klein in advance of her Australian visit later this month ∙ iconic supermodel / eterna-babe Heidi Klum had the audacity to tell the NYT that "climate villain" Toe-Knee Ass-Bit's looks were fading after he received an envelope full of glitter from same-sex marriage campaigners.

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

wednesday newstrip

Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit, facing a push on same-sex marriage, has attempted to avoid the subject by announcing that what was once Google will henceforth be known as Alphabet ∙ the Government's draft proposal to cut Australian carbon emissions by only 30 per cent has prompted the Australian Federal Police to issue a warning about Australians being duped into becoming drug mules ∙ the University of Sydney has released a report into the academic misconduct that led to 200 new Domino's Pizza stores being opened in Bali ∙ authorities have warned the public not to jump into their boats to ogle at tourists who are swimming around in Mechanics Bay because they refused to listen to another Kardashian story ∙ the universe is slowly dying and there is not much we can do about it.

Thursday, August 13, 2015

Today the
postman brought
me The City That
Never Sleeps. "I'm
here for some R&R"
it said," & promptly
crashed out on the
La-Z-Boy in the front
room where it's
been snoring for
the last four hours.

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

wednesday newstrip

Plants can't feel pain or hunger like animals, but their cells can unite for a funky live cover of Queens of the Stone Age's "I Sat By the Ocean" ∙ Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee has said he is open to the idea of using federal troops to stop thousands of mothers around the world breastfeeding together for one minute in public on Saturday ∙ an East Texas man ended up in the hospital after he fired a gun at an armadillo & the bullet bounced off the animal's back & hit the man in his face ∙ Facebook Inc (FB.O) announced on Thursday it has completed building its first full-scale drone, which has the wingspan of a Boeing 737 & will stop women from having abortions ∙ one in two teenage boys & girls have used a mobile phone to communicate stress in a way that's not so different from what animals do ∙ a piece of wreckage that washed up on an Indian Ocean island is suspected to have come from Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit, who has been missing in action since the beginning of the Brainwane Biteback choppergate scandal.

Wednesday, August 05, 2015

wednesday newstrip

A Jehovah's Witness elder told the Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sexual Abuse that he believed a young woman had been sexually abused by her father but could not take action because he did not have a second witness ∙ thirteen new species of spider — including a brush-footed trapdoor spider — have been discovered in the House of Lords in Britain ∙ tech leaders & scientists, including Elon Musk, Stephen Hawking, & Steve Wozniak, warn that the deployment of robots capable of killing while untethered to human operators is "feasible within years, not decades" ∙ Khloe Karadashian has admitted she was left feeling slightly "traumatized" after hearing her mother have sex with Corey Gamble ∙ folks flicking through the Federal Court lists for New South Wales this month were taken aback by an admiral & maritime matter up for directions, filed by Fuk Hing Steamship Co Ltd, against the Shagang Shipping Co Ltd.

Saturday, August 01, 2015

Issue thirty-eight of Otoliths is now live

Issue thirty-eight of Otoliths, the southern winter, 2015, issue, has just gone live, & let me confess that even I am amazed by the quality & variety of the works included.

The list of contributors. Cecelia Chapman, Felino A. Soriano, Texas Fontanella, Heath Brougher, George McKim, Kyle Hemmings, Philip Byron Oakes, Jim Leftwich, Paul Summers, Annette Plasencia, Steve Dalachinsky, Karl Kempton, Vernon Frazer, Pete Spence, Eileen R. Tabios, Anna Ryan-Punch, Toby Fitch, Olivier Schopfer, Carlyle Baker, Lakey Comess, A. A. Kostas, John M. Bennett, Cheryl Penn, Joel Chace, Demosthenes Agrafiotis, Jack Galmitz, Ric Carfagna, Owen Vince, Keith Kumasen Abbott, Russell Bennetts & Rauan Klassnik, Marco Giovenale, David Greenslade, Chris Moran, Alyson Miller, Raymond Farr, John Pursch, Richard Kostelanetz, Michael Jacobson, hiromi suzuki, Tyler Pruett, Rosaire Appel, Lee Ballentine, Jessie Janeshek, Márton Koppány, Sal Randolph, Jim McCrary, John Lowther, Sabine Miller, Volodymyr Bilyk, Howie Good, John Martone, Tim Wright, Eric Hoffman, Bill Wolak, Jeff Harrison, David Adès, Kathup Tsering, Natsuko Hirata, Tim Gaze, Daniel Pilkington, sean burn, Patrick Williams, Rob Stuart, Amelia Dale, Spencer Selby, Tony Beyer, Cecelia Chapman & Jeff Crouch, Joseph Salvatore Aversano, Carol Stetser, Joe Balaz, Bobbi Lurie, Holly Friedlander Liddicoat, Ed Baker, Emma Corcoran, Sean Bolton, bruno neiva, Barnaby Smith, dan raphael, PT Davidson, Sheila E. Murphy, Cherie Hunter Day, A. Scott Britton, Marco Diotallevi, Willie Smith, Susan Connolly, SS Prasad, Michael Brandonisio, Johannes S. H. Bjerg, Mark Russell, Bob Heman, Ian Gibbins, J. D. Nelson, Lotto Thießen, Sam Langer, harry k stammer, & Katrinka Moore.

Also, the print editions of Otoliths issue thirty-seven are now available from The Otoliths Storefront where the complete back catalog of issues of Otoliths as well as a wide range of quite incredible & unique books can also be found.

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

wednesday newstrip

A British newspaper suggests that footage showing the Queen performing a Nazi salute as a child could have been deliberately leaked by Australian Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit to divert attention away from the storm of criticism over Federal Speaker Brainwane Biteback's $5,000 taxpayer-funded helicopter flight to a surfing competition ∙ a small wooden boat suspected to be carrying asylum seekers has been discovered in the swimming pool at actress Demi Moore's home ∙ two young Britons believe they're lucky to be alive after getting lost on a day walk in dense New Zealand bush & spending the night huddling next to a feathered dinosaur with wings like those of a bird ∙ an oil production vessel off the West Australian coast has made a landmark apology for using US prisoners of war as forced labour during World War Two ∙ according to a recent study, Australia is the most skeptical country in the world about environmental issues, with one in five Australians not believing in climate change.