wednesday newstrip

Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit, facing a push on same-sex marriage, has attempted to avoid the subject by announcing that what was once Google will henceforth be known as Alphabet ∙ the Government's draft proposal to cut Australian carbon emissions by only 30 per cent has prompted the Australian Federal Police to issue a warning about Australians being duped into becoming drug mules ∙ the University of Sydney has released a report into the academic misconduct that led to 200 new Domino's Pizza stores being opened in Bali ∙ authorities have warned the public not to jump into their boats to ogle at tourists who are swimming around in Mechanics Bay because they refused to listen to another Kardashian story ∙ the universe is slowly dying and there is not much we can do about it.