Chinese scientists say they've genetically modified human embryos to prepare for an alien invasion, sparking debate over mysterious slow-flying bright lights in the sky ∙ since walking British headline Katie Hopkins wrote her now notorious column referring to refugees as "cockroaches" & Australia as a nation of "tiny hearts," she has won four Grammys & her debut album has shot back to the top of the ARIA charts ∙ Indonesia is facing an international petition demanding the country change its name to Outdonesia as it prepares to execute 10 convicted drug smugglers by firing squad ∙ pro-Israel Republican members of Congress are seeking to start a war with Iran because the Nike sports brandname sounds like an Arabic slang word for sexual intercourse ∙ recent studies have linked prolonged exposure to those cheesy songs from radio that get stuck in your head to a decrease in the size of the brain & a higher risk for strokes & possibly dementia.
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
Monday, April 27, 2015
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Australian Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit Abbott has been caught on camera guzzling a glass of beer seven seconds after being dropped by the BBC for hitting a producer ∙ The Greens say that the son of a Sydney nightclub owner being jailed for at least three years for raping a teenager in a Kings Cross alleyway & then bragging about taking her virginity is the beginning of the end of fossil fuel consumption in Australia ∙ in a world-first study, scientists have transplanted a sexually transmitted disease off the coast of Tasmania to better understand the impact of climate change ∙ theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking was diverted from Perth's new Fiona Stanley Hospital because of a large oarfish raising temperatures amid raucous cheers in the main building ∙ the US government announced it may look for a new patch of ocean after a coal fire power station washed up at the entrance of the Otago Harbor.
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
It was the perfect recipe for a party—a woolshed, pig on a spit, bonfire, beers, music, & a video allegedly showing Islamic State militants using bulldozers & explosives to destroy the ancient Assyrian city of Nimrud ∙ Australians who enjoy illegal copies of TV shows & movies will lose thousands of dollars of childcare & welfare benefits ∙ BHP Billiton has been reprimanded by a senate committee & given two weeks to report back after it refused to vaccinate its basic financial information against a bunch of old school mates ∙ the weight of the first four episodes of HBO's new Game of Thrones season 5 plummeted by five kilos in five days whilst in Perth's new Fiona Stanley Hospital ∙ a man has just discovered he had sex with his new fiancée’s father & wonders what to do next.
Wednesday, April 08, 2015
A man has been flown to hospital in Bundaberg after being bitten by a pig ∙ a new app will use deforrestation images to help doctors identify ageing behaviors in patients ∙ after enjoying a week in the limelight, the Australian dollar has been charged by police after it flashed its K-cup breasts at a Google camera car & had them posted online ∙ Congressional Republicans have condemned Sydney's Catholic & Anglican leaders after 55 greyhound carcasses were discovered in their Easter messages ∙ an investigation is underway into how a makeshift cage in a Canberra school came to be used as a "withdrawal space" for the Ukraine crisis which has brought the world closer to nuclear war than at any point for a generation.
Sunday, April 05, 2015
Wednesday, April 01, 2015
The Large Hadron Collider reveals it got a boob job ∙ the Australian government is changing how it expresses climate change targets in a way that could make it appear to the public as though it is cutting greenhouse gas emissions more rapidly than it is ∙ Federal Treasurer Glowstick HotKey has dodged questions about the still untitled Legend of Zelda game currently in development ∙ new Indiana law protects those who say Carrie Underwood's baby boy is already taking after his daddy ∙ LG's smartphone-driven gas explosion promises to put exotic worlds within reach of the masses ∙ iron ore hits new spot-price era lows after religious beliefs forbid it from serving gays.