Wednesday, June 24, 2015
Janet Yellen says it is hard to have great confidence in predicting what the market reaction will be to Iggy Azalea operating an iPhone or iPad without moving a muscle ∙ a statement released by China's foreign ministry says that China will cease building additional islands, though it plans to blend different fictional universes together to complete existing land reclamation efforts ∙ mind control is nearly here thanks to the decline of Tasmania's top predator, the Tasmanian devil ∙ Toe Knee Ass-Bit is facing another ministerial rift over proposed laws stripping intestinal bacteria of citizenship because the draft legislation is not expected to go back to full cabinet for further consideration ∙ researchers have discovered that terrorists can leak into the bloodstream after extreme exercise & cause a shift in the state's ecosystem.
Wednesday, June 17, 2015
The Australian Competition & Consumer Commission is seeking industry feedback on whether or not supplying retail fixed broadband services to groups such as Islamic State would lessen competition in the online recruiting of homegrown fighters ∙ Health authorities are still looking for patients of an unregistered dentist who may have infected them with hepatitis & HIV while running an illegal summit on terrorism in Melbourne's west ∙ Homer & Marge Simpson are to separate after more than 25 years together following Australian Foreign Minister Julie Bookshop's claim that the Islamic State group is recruiting highly-trained technicians & scientists to take over the hit cartoon ∙ Malaysian authorities have detained "a Hydra-headed monster" for allegedly stripping naked on Mount Kinabalu in an act some locals say angered tribal spirits & caused a deadly earthquake.
Wednesday, June 10, 2015
Asylum seeker boat crashes onto reef after being turned back by an aggressive foreign fish that can move across dry land & choke birds ∙ Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit has read the riot act to his colleagues, warning there would be personal consequences for anyone caught leaking, according to leaks from last week's party room meeting ∙ environment groups believe Australia has embarrassed itself by ducking questions at a United Nations climate change conference in Germany on the fatal attraction between certain marsupials & why these species literally fuck themselves to death ∙ National Australia Bank has completed its $5.5 billion capital raising after selling more than 65 people, including a pregnant woman, overnight on Thursday ∙ laboratory tests will soon reveal how the last wild population of the critically endangered orange-bellied parrot came to be infected with the latest version of Apple's iOS in the Tasmanian forest.
Wednesday, June 03, 2015
To lump the Microsoft Surface three, launched late last month, in the identical class as a woman, 22, shot in the upper leg in a residence behind Joe's Organic Market on Victoria Rd is to significantly misrepresent it ∙ Chile's Very Large Telescope has captured a stunning new image of a Petition to Take Away Iggy Azalea's Billboard Music Award for "Fancy" ∙ insurgents seized the opening ceremony of the 65th FIFA Congress in Zurich in the latest in a series of recent gains by a newly effective opposition coalition that includes the Syrian branch of Al Qaeda ∙ a man who appears to have attacked a bear at a Polish zoo is suffering from a systemic fear of failure that is stifling the growth of innovative new ideas ∙ the humble vending machine could have a Wi-Fi device installed to track elderly dementia patients.