wednesday newstrip

Asylum seeker boat crashes onto reef after being turned back by an aggressive foreign fish that can move across dry land & choke birds ∙ Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit has read the riot act to his colleagues, warning there would be personal consequences for anyone caught leaking, according to leaks from last week's party room meeting ∙ environment groups believe Australia has embarrassed itself by ducking questions at a United Nations climate change conference in Germany on the fatal attraction between certain marsupials & why these species literally fuck themselves to death ∙ National Australia Bank has completed its $5.5 billion capital raising after selling more than 65 people, including a pregnant woman, overnight on Thursday ∙ laboratory tests will soon reveal how the last wild population of the critically endangered orange-bellied parrot came to be infected with the latest version of Apple's iOS in the Tasmanian forest.