Wednesday, December 27, 2017

wednesday newstrip

The Dotard receives his Christmas wish. The U.S. has been exorcized from the surface of this planet & now shines gloriously from space. Not all good news — Israel now occupies the territory where the Wheat House once stood, & Guatemala, which used to be a beauty spot on T®ump's cheek, has now turned into a melanoma because The Dotard didn't believe climate change was real · USAmbUN Nickolodeon Hardly gave a party & nobody came · DoNuts T®ump barred from running against Putin in 2018 presidential election because he is no longer a citizen of Russia · Bitcoin extends sell-off as investors pare holiday bets. Withdraws from Sydney to Hobart yacht race because it can no longer afford to take part · Martians lay claim to that part of Planet Earth where the U.S. used to be. Nobody is left to fight back.

Thursday, December 21, 2017

now out from gradient books

Circus economies.

In this iteration, DoNuts T®ump currently has the top billing under the Big Top, but nobody is sure what rôle he is playing, &, anyway, nobody can afford to go. So again we make do by taking what is around us & reassembling it to breathe new life into it, in the process turning the main man into a stick figure prone to stumbling when the light is shone upon him.

Wednesday, December 20, 2017

wednesday newstrip

DoNuts T®ump having difficulty deciding which century to send the United States back to. Settles on the Third, because he's fairly certain he can count that far · Chainsaw 'attackers' say they were visiting a brothel, if only with a gift card · DoNuts T®ump sets out national security strategy of 'principled realism.' Doesn't know what either word means, but is certain he can buy them from Walmart · celestial object 'not an alien spacecraft,' say Irish scientists. Nestlé announce it's their new 'Big Milo Tin' which blew away during construction · US Precedent blames mysterious 'mass of warm rock' underneath New Hampshire & Vermont for the WannaCry attack.

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

wednesday newstrip

Bitcoin price surges as Melb couple is accused of horrifically abusing woman kept as slave for 8 years · 'I will kill you.' Coalition MPs attack AGL decision to shut Liddell coal power station · Google Maps tells you it's safe to get off the bus now that T®ump has made peace possible with his Jerusalem declaration · US warships get ready for missiles in first trilateral drills since Queens of the Stone Age singer Josh Homme kicked Kim Jong Un in the face · police retrained to respond to unusual terror threats arising from Xbox treasure hunt to celebrate new game · new form of matter, excitonium, finally proved to exist after 50-year search.

Wednesday, December 06, 2017

wednesday newstrip

DoNuts T®ump forges ahead with plans to recognise Mar-a-lago as Israel's capital despite warnings. Font on teleprompter wasn’t large enough for ToeDump to read properly. Ends up announcing Mars will be Iran’s capital · Islamist suicide plot to assassinate Christine Keeler foiled by her death · Google wants Progressive Web Apps to replace DoNuts T®ump. Announces Silicon Valley will be the new capital of Iceland · Bronze Age iron weapons came from outer space, claims DoNuts T®ump. Announces Tough®ump Tower will be the new capital of Indonesia · residents from a small Irish village where Viagra has been manufactured for the last 20 years say there is "something in the air" that makes them "hard." DoNuts T®ump visits to announce somewhat stiffly that this will be Ireland's new capital.