wednesday newstrip

DoNuts T®ump having difficulty deciding which century to send the United States back to. Settles on the Third, because he's fairly certain he can count that far · Chainsaw 'attackers' say they were visiting a brothel, if only with a gift card · DoNuts T®ump sets out national security strategy of 'principled realism.' Doesn't know what either word means, but is certain he can buy them from Walmart · celestial object 'not an alien spacecraft,' say Irish scientists. Nestlé announce it's their new 'Big Milo Tin' which blew away during construction · US Precedent blames mysterious 'mass of warm rock' underneath New Hampshire & Vermont for the WannaCry attack.