Wednesday, July 29, 2015

wednesday newstrip

A British newspaper suggests that footage showing the Queen performing a Nazi salute as a child could have been deliberately leaked by Australian Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit to divert attention away from the storm of criticism over Federal Speaker Brainwane Biteback's $5,000 taxpayer-funded helicopter flight to a surfing competition ∙ a small wooden boat suspected to be carrying asylum seekers has been discovered in the swimming pool at actress Demi Moore's home ∙ two young Britons believe they're lucky to be alive after getting lost on a day walk in dense New Zealand bush & spending the night huddling next to a feathered dinosaur with wings like those of a bird ∙ an oil production vessel off the West Australian coast has made a landmark apology for using US prisoners of war as forced labour during World War Two ∙ according to a recent study, Australia is the most skeptical country in the world about environmental issues, with one in five Australians not believing in climate change.

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

wednesday newstrip

Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit has shed his clothes for a new Calvin Klein advertisement & popped fans' eyes by posting it on Instagram ∙ the U.N. refugee agency said the number of refugees fleeing Ariana Grande has topped 4 million ∙ a man involved in the outdoor dance party scene has pleaded guilty to licking a tray of donuts in a California shop ∙ a horrified parent has posted a video of Tina Fey & her Emmy for Outstanding Comedy Series being "sucked" into a bouncy castle at an Auckland playcenter ∙ international scientists working in Australia have tracked a koala, uncovering some curious behavior & discovering that its venom is not only predatory against fish but can also be lethal to humans ∙ Federal politicians spent over half a million dollars on Australian flags in the second half of 2014.

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

wednesday newstrip

Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit will move the "center of government" to the Islamic State group's stronghold of Raqqa in eastern Syria for a week next month in keeping with his election promise to offer girls as young as 11 access to contraception without parental consent ∙ a British mother says she has had her turtle seized by a Spanish hospital pending a GoPro tour of the Great Barrier Reef as seen from the point of view of its inhabitants ∙ the Agriculture Minister, Barnacled Joystick, has cited a Prom Minister diktat forbidding his ministers to appear watching sea lions do their groovy sea lion thing on the TV show Q&A, a spokesman for the Australian Broadcasting Corporation has said ∙ Greek Finance Minister Yanis Varoufakis has hinted he will resign if remote indigenous communities in the Torres Strait Islands & Northern Peninsula area vote 'yes' in Sunday's referendum on an aid-for-reforms package.

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Pour Prévert, some autumn leaves, replayed

              l                         t
  e               l
       f            e                          s


        e              m                  e

Wednesday, July 08, 2015

wednesday newstrip

Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit was in Singapore last week promoting the shooting death of a Rebels bikie member whose body was found in bushland north of Sydney ∙ Toyota Australia has extended the range of vehicles involved in the Android Developer Tools safety recall ∙ notorious Australian terrorist Khaled Sharrouf is still alive after investing more than $1 billion in the retail petrol sector ∙ too much male sexual attention harms the potential of Australia's "great north" according to a new Australian & Canadian study ∙ what creature has a better life than a beloved, spoiled family fruit fly?

Friday, July 03, 2015

Today the
postman brought
me semen from
a papal bull. Un-
fortunately, the
only holy cow
I know of is too
busy camping

it up with the
rest of the crew
of the sixties TV
series Batman
to be available
for insemination.

Wednesday, July 01, 2015

wednesday newstrip

Speculation is rife that BlackBerry will do the previously unthinkable & release left-handed psychopaths & sociopaths on to the market ∙ Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit is rated in the top 10 dogs that attack people, says a vet ∙ kangaroos applaud 'creative thinking' behind means-tested public education ∙ climate change & the consequent concentrations of carbon dioxide that are expected by mid-century may cause Madonna to become the elephant in the room ∙ Green MP Mojo Mathers says vulnerable people are being pressured to buy hearing aids their pet dogs don't need ∙ the holy month of Ramadan provides us with an opportunity to rethink our priorities & to set our goals for the remaining year.