wednesday newstrip

Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit will move the "center of government" to the Islamic State group's stronghold of Raqqa in eastern Syria for a week next month in keeping with his election promise to offer girls as young as 11 access to contraception without parental consent ∙ a British mother says she has had her turtle seized by a Spanish hospital pending a GoPro tour of the Great Barrier Reef as seen from the point of view of its inhabitants ∙ the Agriculture Minister, Barnacled Joystick, has cited a Prom Minister diktat forbidding his ministers to appear watching sea lions do their groovy sea lion thing on the TV show Q&A, a spokesman for the Australian Broadcasting Corporation has said ∙ Greek Finance Minister Yanis Varoufakis has hinted he will resign if remote indigenous communities in the Torres Strait Islands & Northern Peninsula area vote 'yes' in Sunday's referendum on an aid-for-reforms package.