saturday newstrip

Opposition Leader Toe Knee Ass-Bit pleaded guilty to entering the playing field without authorization, & to wilful & obscene exposure in a public place, after running across the pitch in nothing but his trainers • A customer has sued luxury fashion label Prada after being unable to remove thousands of dead fish from a silk skirt • US family finds $300k in gold pollutants emitted by a local chemical plant • 'Electronic eyes' offered to child soldiers • union corruption caught on camera floating along a 19-mile stretch of a river in Hubei Province • Tamil refugee has discovered the root of maleness • eye-gouge boy admitted he just doesn't like tornadoes.