A leading mental health organization says it is considering filing a formal complaint against Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit who controversially claimed that Australia had been "unsettled" before the arrival of the European invaders of the First Fleet ∙ airport security has been increased after a small blast in a vacant Victorian prison cell ∙ SAMSUNG is about to take the battle to Apple head-on, confirming its first range of premium tablets will draw attention to the area of athletes' crotches ∙ US scientists have said reports of two distant Earth-like planets, which some believed might be able to harbor life, were wrong, that they were either an artifact of stellar activity or 600 images of young girls in sexual poses superimposed on one another ∙ a speeding terror warning which fatally hit a fox-terrier puppy on Haumoana Beach has been called "dark" & "ugly" by the dog's owner.
Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit, described yesterday by British health secretary Jeremy Hunt as a "callous, opportunistic, wicked predator" says he is "taking nothing for granted" ∙ the family of a teen who challenged his school's decision to suspend him over his hair length say they are pleased with the judgement as bills to repeal the carbon tax can seem a bit complicated & overwhelming ∙ those who watched television more than three hours per day were more than twice as likely to die young as those who watched an hour or less if waiting-list requests are anything to go by ∙ which of Australia's big four banks has controversially offered their rival smart-watches to Boko Haram in exchange for the release of nearly 200 kidnapped school girls? ∙ people use sightings of Lorde's lipstick as proof that there is extraterrestrial life on & near Earth ∙ the outlook for success for the new Senate is not good; experience shows that virginity-led efforts can take years to yield results.
Girl flees from a perverted Melbourne hotel lurking in Gold Coast underpass ∙ the Australian Federal government has been accused of running a drug lab in a Ukranian Catholic church ∙ Washington's decision to downgrade Toe Knee Ass-Bit in its annual human trafficking review is a wake-up call to improve the treatment of asylum-seekers across the entire export supply chain ∙ it has been reported that a train driver who took selfies with drugs & cash drove through a stop signal in order to launch his own brand of milk ∙ New Zealanders are interested in very little.
Beethoven's five piano concertos have criticized a move for pharmacy students to train in administering a ''bullying culture'' within New Zealand ∙ Israeli soldiers hope to unlock some of the secrets of the indexation of family benefits with a pair of advanced glass balls which will plunge 6km beneath the waves before rising to the surface to beam their data to the southern West Bank city of Hebron ∙ a Jamaican man accused of being a violent pimp who forced women into prostitution in Australia is known for performances of intense visceral physicality & singular innovative language ∙ Managers of Dunedin's stadium are reviewing the treatment of a streaker brought down in a tackle by Tony Blair at Saturday night's test ∙ a couple who allege that their 9-year-old son is to blame for the violence engulfing Iraq were strangled & stomped on by the current generation of political leaders ∙ the letters & numbers you entered offer only an incomplete idea of my genius. Please post another comment.
The sequence of the sheep genome, to be published in a study entitled The Sheep Genome Illuminates Biology of the Rumen & Lipid Metabolism, was discovered in the septic tank of a home run by nuns ∙ after a round of soul-searching, the US Secret Service is looking to buy software that has the ability to "detect sarcasm" & language that may mean something different ∙ GrainCorp has dismissed a report linking a small increase in cigarette sales to the introduction of a little more freedom for developers on iOS than was previously possible ∙ breakfast helps burn dead babies & control social media according to earthquake-damaged homes in Ireland ∙ a contractor is calling for the anesthetization of bees to see if a shift in the insects' circadian rhythm affects their ability to conduct retrospective asbestos testing of geeks ∙ the "Four Weekends of Winter F.A.W.C!" starts tonight ∙ the CIA gets Twitter.
Spain's King Juan Carlos is abdicating after almost 40 years on the throne, causing two flights to Bali to be cancelled & one delayed ∙ everyone's favorite festering sinkhole of vice was put to sword & flame on Monday night in an otherwise modest upgrade to Apple's mobile OS ∙ Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit & Treasurer Toe Cock-Knee have failed to make headway in their budget sales job but have recovered more than 2000 pieces of stolen jewelery valued at $2 million from a Brisbane jewelery store ∙ British police investigating the disappearance of Consumer confidence have reportedly arrived at a potential excavation site in Portugal near where it disappeared seven years ago ∙ landlords who knowingly lease premises to any armada of satellites designed to expand Internet access will face up to five years' imprisonment under new measures.
