wednesday newstrip

Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit has shed his clothes for a new Calvin Klein advertisement & popped fans' eyes by posting it on Instagram ∙ the U.N. refugee agency said the number of refugees fleeing Ariana Grande has topped 4 million ∙ a man involved in the outdoor dance party scene has pleaded guilty to licking a tray of donuts in a California shop ∙ a horrified parent has posted a video of Tina Fey & her Emmy for Outstanding Comedy Series being "sucked" into a bouncy castle at an Auckland playcenter ∙ international scientists working in Australia have tracked a koala, uncovering some curious behavior & discovering that its venom is not only predatory against fish but can also be lethal to humans ∙ Federal politicians spent over half a million dollars on Australian flags in the second half of 2014.

kph Beethoven

wednesday newstrip

Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit will move the "center of government" to the Islamic State group's stronghold of Raqqa in eastern Syria for a week next month in keeping with his election promise to offer girls as young as 11 access to contraception without parental consent ∙ a British mother says she has had her turtle seized by a Spanish hospital pending a GoPro tour of the Great Barrier Reef as seen from the point of view of its inhabitants ∙ the Agriculture Minister, Barnacled Joystick, has cited a Prom Minister diktat forbidding his ministers to appear watching sea lions do their groovy sea lion thing on the TV show Q&A, a spokesman for the Australian Broadcasting Corporation has said ∙ Greek Finance Minister Yanis Varoufakis has hinted he will resign if remote indigenous communities in the Torres Strait Islands & Northern Peninsula area vote 'yes' in Sunday's referendum on an aid-for-reforms package.

Pour Prévert, some autumn leaves, replayed

              l                         t
l
  e               l
                            o
          u
                                r
       f            e                          s
                     s

            i
     s
 
        e              m                  e

wednesday newstrip

Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit was in Singapore last week promoting the shooting death of a Rebels bikie member whose body was found in bushland north of Sydney ∙ Toyota Australia has extended the range of vehicles involved in the Android Developer Tools safety recall ∙ notorious Australian terrorist Khaled Sharrouf is still alive after investing more than $1 billion in the retail petrol sector ∙ too much male sexual attention harms the potential of Australia's "great north" according to a new Australian & Canadian study ∙ what creature has a better life than a beloved, spoiled family fruit fly?

The little Corsican

VII.IV.XV

By Ed
Dorn's
early
light.

Today the
postman brought
me semen from
a papal bull. Un-
fortunately, the
only holy cow
I know of is too
busy camping

it up with the
rest of the crew
of the sixties TV
series Batman
to be available
for insemination.

wednesday newstrip

Speculation is rife that BlackBerry will do the previously unthinkable & release left-handed psychopaths & sociopaths on to the market ∙ Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit is rated in the top 10 dogs that attack people, says a vet ∙ kangaroos applaud 'creative thinking' behind means-tested public education ∙ climate change & the consequent concentrations of carbon dioxide that are expected by mid-century may cause Madonna to become the elephant in the room ∙ Green MP Mojo Mathers says vulnerable people are being pressured to buy hearing aids their pet dogs don't need ∙ the holy month of Ramadan provides us with an opportunity to rethink our priorities & to set our goals for the remaining year.

geographies: Cremorne

wednesday newstrip

Janet Yellen says it is hard to have great confidence in predicting what the market reaction will be to Iggy Azalea operating an iPhone or iPad without moving a muscle ∙ a statement released by China's foreign ministry says that China will cease building additional islands, though it plans to blend different fictional universes together to complete existing land reclamation efforts ∙ mind control is nearly here thanks to the decline of Tasmania's top predator, the Tasmanian devil ∙ Toe Knee Ass-Bit is facing another ministerial rift over proposed laws stripping intestinal bacteria of citizenship because the draft legislation is not expected to go back to full cabinet for further consideration ∙ researchers have discovered that terrorists can leak into the bloodstream after extreme exercise & cause a shift in the state's ecosystem.

The Charm v.4

wednesday newstrip

The Australian Competition & Consumer Commission is seeking industry feedback on whether or not supplying retail fixed broadband services to groups such as Islamic State would lessen competition in the online recruiting of homegrown fighters ∙ Health authorities are still looking for patients of an unregistered dentist who may have infected them with hepatitis & HIV while running an illegal summit on terrorism in Melbourne's west ∙ Homer & Marge Simpson are to separate after more than 25 years together following Australian Foreign Minister Julie Bookshop's claim that the Islamic State group is recruiting highly-trained technicians & scientists to take over the hit cartoon ∙ Malaysian authorities have detained "a Hydra-headed monster" for allegedly stripping naked on Mount Kinabalu in an act some locals say angered tribal spirits & caused a deadly earthquake.

hubble bubble

the chariot

wednesday newstrip

Asylum seeker boat crashes onto reef after being turned back by an aggressive foreign fish that can move across dry land & choke birds ∙ Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit has read the riot act to his colleagues, warning there would be personal consequences for anyone caught leaking, according to leaks from last week's party room meeting ∙ environment groups believe Australia has embarrassed itself by ducking questions at a United Nations climate change conference in Germany on the fatal attraction between certain marsupials & why these species literally fuck themselves to death ∙ National Australia Bank has completed its $5.5 billion capital raising after selling more than 65 people, including a pregnant woman, overnight on Thursday ∙ laboratory tests will soon reveal how the last wild population of the critically endangered orange-bellied parrot came to be infected with the latest version of Apple's iOS in the Tasmanian forest.

faux fauve

appliance

wednesday newstrip

To lump the Microsoft Surface three, launched late last month, in the identical class as a woman, 22, shot in the upper leg in a residence behind Joe's Organic Market on Victoria Rd is to significantly misrepresent it ∙ Chile's Very Large Telescope has captured a stunning new image of a Petition to Take Away Iggy Azalea's Billboard Music Award for "Fancy" ∙ insurgents seized the opening ceremony of the 65th FIFA Congress in Zurich in the latest in a series of recent gains by a newly effective opposition coalition that includes the Syrian branch of Al Qaeda ∙ a man who appears to have attacked a bear at a Polish zoo is suffering from a systemic fear of failure that is stifling the growth of innovative new ideas ∙ the humble vending machine could have a Wi-Fi device installed to track elderly dementia patients.

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