Escalator etiquette

Stand on the right, pass
on the left — unless, of
course, you're in Australia
or New Zealand where
the sides are switched.

Don't go down the up
escalator, though going
up on the down is okay
if you're trying to lose
weight & you keep your
knees high.

             Don't try to take
an elephant onto an esca-
lator, especially when it's
traveling up. Chihuahuas 
are fine, maybe even an 
ocelot; but an elephant,
especially an African sav-
anna elephant whose tusks 
curve outward, is likely to
take a lot of fellow travelers
with it in a direction they
weren't intending to go.

There's no point farting on
an escalator & casting
accusing looks at the people
around. Might work in an
elevator, but here you're
only going to offend a sing-
le person if they're a couple
of steps below you & they'll
know it was you, anyway.

Don't tailgate. Keep a couple
of steps between you & the
person in front, & hope they're
not farters. & if there's room,
then it's perfectly fine to pass.