Five out of many failed attempts to bring equilibrium to the universe

I am trying to accessorize my walking stick with the phases of the moon, but the colors are all wrong & I don't recognize the song they are singing.

I am exfoliating the windows, but the few stars that are left haven't yet appeared so I am unable to tell if my efforts have been successful.

I have been holding my breath for 500 hours, as recommended by Fyodor Dostoevsky in Crime & Punishment, but the soles of my feet inevitably retain contact with the earth.

I was hoping to minimize the affect of rain on our pas de deux, but the local constabulary have confiscated all our tarpaulins as potential hiding places for IEDs.

I am attempting to synchronize my bowler hat with the catacombs of Rome, but the rattling skulls keep sliding off the diving board & I run out of time.