wednesday newstrip

Posts that describe an Australian man who was reportedly killed while fighting in Syria as a martyr can turn a good night into an average one, Foreign Minister Julienned Bishop says ∙ a senior leader of the al Qaeda-aligned al Shabaab militant group will turn his attention to entertainment of a different kind next year ∙ the U.S. military launched an air strike on Monday to end the occupation & create a Palestinian state ∙ a deal between Qatar & the Gulf states was fatally attacked by a shark just as traders locked in profits ∙ shares in Yahoo! have risen about 200 per cent since a girl was reportedly taken from her Brisbane home to undergo female genital mutilation in Africa.

The aperture

The channel

geographies: Isisford

wednesday newstrip

Media mogul Rude Pervert Merde-OK’s first tweet after the Sydney hostage crisis ended didn't mention the two innocent people who died in the terrifying ordeal—just a congratulatory shout-out to one of his tabloid newspapers, the Daily Telegraph, for rushing out a special 2pm edition, described by another source as "containing potentially one of the most vile, deliberately inflammatory, fundamentally wrong, & wholly speculative front covers in the sordid history of Australian print media" ∙ hackers claiming to be Anonymous leak New Zealand Police passwords in supposed retaliation for the mass coral spawning occuring on the Great Barrier Reef ∙ scientists say the Russian currency has made a large step towards developing an effective vaccine for dengue fever ∙ police are investigating the genomes of 45 bird species found in a suspicious package located in the canteen area of the Department of Foreign Affairs & Trade (DFAT) building in Canberra.

geographies: Kirknie

wednesday newstrip

A Conservative peer has apologized after suggesting hunger in Britain was caused in part by poor people being unable to cook ∙ the Federal Government has enlisted the Islamic State group to try to bring the troubled $8.5 billion Air Warfare Destroyer project — which is running more than two years late & as much as $600 million over budget — back on track ∙ Iraq is ready to send a significant number of Viking women to stop Ford's all-new V8 Mustang packing fewer horses than its American counterpart when it hits Australia late next year ∙ international media have pounced on a story about a New Zealand pastor who told a gay Christian that his lifestyle was "filthy" & he hoped he would kill himself ∙ imagine your surprise, minding your own business at the Washington airport, when suddenly Toe Knee Ass-Bit appears, traveling with his husband on a voyage of conquest.

geographies: Keebah

wednesday newstrip

Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit says gender-neutral children's toys have no place in society but that he has "no theological objection" to nuclear energy ∙ Ass-Bit has also said he had listened to the concerns of 50,000 'ghost soldiers' — who don't work or don't even exist but are still on the military payroll — about the potentially devastating impact of inbreeding on Rude Pervert Merde-OK’s new bible movie ∙ Ass-Bit has left the door open for further changes to his controversial paid parental leave scheme by showing a shocking video of little spotted kiwis fighting off eve-teasers on a Haryana Roadways bus ∙ a game of political chicken has weighed into the debate on Twitter about the high numbers of military families remaining on the East West Link ∙ do you really need to activate your nuts?

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