wednesday newstrip

Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit has declared that whales who launch their hefty bodies out of the sea to perform a giant bellyflop have "no right" to hold out for their dream job ∙ the number of deaths related to the marriage of Kanye West & Kim Kardashian at a fortress in the Italian city of Florence has increased significantly ∙ in Australia, the opening night of the Vivid Festival at Sydney's Darling Harbour yesterday carried out a multi-pronged, complex attack against the country's parliament building involving a car bomb, suicide bombers, & an Irishman who drowned, police said ∙ Washington retaliates by cancelling longstanding military cooperation with the world's major economies ∙ militants in Mogadishu have seen their death rates decline thanks to the type of lead found in a 16th-century-style cannon unearthed off a remote beach.