Thursday, June 19, 2008

Dear Tom

Thank you for the titles. I think I’ve done them justice, even if what I’ve produced wasn’t exactly what you had in mind for them.

But I’m drawing the line at the last one. Not for any moral reasons, nor because it’s too great a challenge. It’s just that I sense a terrible potential to suck me in, to give the subject too much attention, to become overly-involved to the detriment of all else. Plus, in these salacious days, he’s a fucking boring writer.

So forgive me if I call finis. There’s a fragment below, just to show I did give it consideration.

My bill is in the mail.


The Marquis de Sade's Stand-up Routine
Citizens, Citizens. Great to be with you in Sodom on the opening night of this 120 day season of Anal & Banal or, as we call it amongst ourselves, Just Another Day at the Orifice. Hope I live up to what you’ve heard about me, hope you’ll keep coming back for more. Each night will be different, that I can promise you. But I’d come back during the first three months. We tend to run out of steam after that. After all, cantharides is in short supply, & Viagra hasn’t been invented yet.

My name is Donatien Alphonse François de Sade, Donny Osmond for short. (Starts singing, to the tune of Paul Simon’s The Boxer, “I am just a Mormon.”) I’m the master of ceremonies for this revue, chief writer, poser of all the tableaux, participant in some. With my two lovely vice-captains, Juliette & Justine, I’ll be trying to make the next few hours as pleasant as possible for you, but don’t be surprised if occasionally there’s a little pain.


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