The gopher ficcione

The tensile strength of gophers
is measured by the depth to which
they build their holes. The record,
established at the 1936 Olympic
Games in Berlin, & recorded for
posterity by Lotte Riefenstahl, still
stands at just under 2 meters. "We
should get you to build our bunkers"
said Adolf Hitler as he presented the
team with their gold medals. "Cert-
ainly showed those moles & voles 
how things should be done" said the 
Gopher King at the press conference 
that followed. The next two Olympics 
were canceled due to the war. When
the Games resumed in London in 
1948, the rules for that particular
competition had been changed, & 
because semi-aquatic animals could 
now compete, Egypt was entering a 
team of Nile crocodiles; & since (a) 
they were reputed to dig burrows 
that went down 12 meters & (b) they 
had a particular fondness for small 
fry, the gophers decided to follow 
Shakespeare's maxim that the better 
part of valor is discretion & refused 
to defend their title, but managed
to retain their record under the rules
in existence when they competed.