tuesday newstrip

Donuthing sensible T®umpette threatens Mexico with 20% import tariff to pay for southern border wall · France's wild hamsters being turned into 'crazed cannibals' by diet of corn · Precedent Donut T®amp will keep his pledge to move the U.S. embassy in Israel to Jerusalem, former New York City Mère Rude Dolt Giuliani said · symbolic 'Doomsday Clock' moves 30 seconds closer to midnight with Donuts sT®umpet & his Russian lover Vladimir Putain carrying a large share of the blame for the heightened threat · IUD insertions have been rising since Donut (what's a trimester?) T®ump won the presidential election last November, according to a new report · African migrant drowns in Venice Grand Canal as onlookers film him, laugh, & make racist comments.

Finally / she escaped / from the volcano.

journaux

an imitation of Salvador Dali

hannah de montaigne

The e-mail as progenitor of an urban myth

Some years back, I began a post "[this] arrived in my email after a couple of kangaroo hops, & being a word lover I couldn't resist........

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition."

For some reason or other, I thought about the subject of the post again today, did the obligatory Google search, recovered lots of search results, spread across several years up to & including two days ago, many of which begin "the latest version of the WaPo's Mensa Invitational...."

But they're all the same set. It's the same e-mail, circling the world like some marine creature, coming up to breathe every so often, & cited when it's sighted. & the list has no connection with either Mensa or the Washington Post.

According to the Washington Post, "It still hasn't stopped: With mystifying regularity, we continue to receive (often passed through several mailboxes at The Post) unsolicited entries to what's sometimes called the "Mensa Invitational."

The reason for the e-mail's popularity—& perceived veracity—is that it's a genuinely funny list. Which is why I'm posting it again.

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund which lasts until you realize that it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

12. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

13. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

18. Caterpallor (n.): the colour you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

Rod Serling returns in our hour of need

all / prettied up / for inauguration day

wednesday newstrip

Giant asteroid barely misses collision with Donut T®ump, might take another shot in December · a rescue helicopter is flying 400km to a remote island to evacuate a sea lion bitten by Donut T®ump · Intelligence sources have vouched for the credibility of a former MI6 officer named as the author of the Russia dossier on Donut T®ump · the Donut T®ump White House's economic policy intentions saw renewed skepticism in global markets as sorcery-related violence seems destined to continue, along with horrific acts committed against women accused of being witches · high rates of PEyOTeUS ads played during televised sport could lead children to believe liking Donut T®ump is "part of being a good New Zealander," researchers have suggested · Australia's reputation has been damaged by serious human rights issues including its "draconian" asylum seeker policy, overly broad counter-terrorism laws, failure to protect children in detention, & limits to the rights of people with disabilities.

remembering the alamo

wednesday newstrip

Claims by a man in Australia that his husband, a New Zealander, received critical injuries in a gay hate crime have been thrown into doubt by Queensland police who say they have so far found no evidence of any third party involvement. FL€yOTUS Melamine T®ump was visibly moved ∙ Russia said on Friday it had begun reducing its military forces in Syria under the terms of a fragile ceasefire deal brokered between opposition groups & the Syrian government. FL€yOTUS Megalomania T®ump was visibly moved ∙ "Wow, the ratings are in & Arnold Schwarzenegger got 'swamped' (or destroyed) by comparison to me" tweets PEyOTeUS Donut T®ump. Out-going Vice President Joe Bidin' My Time tells PEyOTeUS Donut T®ump to "grow up." FL€yOTUS Melanesia T®ump was visibly moved. ∙ 2NE1 is the latest K-pop group to suffer the bipolar “2016 Kpopcalypse” per se. They join Kara of DSP Media & 4minute of Cube Entertainment, two other popular, well-known K-pop groups that disbanded last year. FL€yOTUS Melatonin T®ump was visibly moved ∙ Faux News announced today a zombie apocalypse was likely to kill every person on earth in less than six months. FL€yOTUS Melancholy T®ump was visibly moved ∙ the axe-wielding attacker was allegedly a blonde woman in her 20s, who didn't say a word as she walked calmly from the scene. FL€yOTUS Melanoma T®ump was visibly moved.

schottische

RODEO DE TAOS

NMRA

with

PAFRA,
CPRA,
GCPRA,
AIRCA,
UPRA
Taos, NM –
June 25-26, 2016

follicle

Today the
postman brought
me the fourth
day of Christmas.

Sorry I'm late,
he said, but
it's been a bit
tricky trying to
catch the calling
birds without
animal welfare
getting on our case.

wednesday newstrip

A major program to try & speak to aliens has been launched — despite warnings that it could lead to the destruction of humanity ∙ Kylie Jenner treated her fans to one of her raunchiest video clips to date as she celebrated Christmas with PEyOTeUS Donut T®ump & the Mormon Tabernacle Choir ∙ Chump Chowder's lobby in New York was briefly evacuated after security found a suspicious package containing horse, camel, & opossum meat ∙ children's toys could be on the menu in South Australia amid signs that shoppers have ditched the traditional post-Christmas sales trip due to Brexit worries ∙ Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov was quoted as saying that the Syrian government is consulting on possible peace talks with an American tourist who hadn't shown up at the end of a planned five-day hike on South Australia's Kangaroo Island.

Profligacy

In the last
ten minutes
of the old

year she wrote
six 250-page
novels but dis-

carded them
all in the first
minute of the

new because
she couldn’t
think of an

appropriate
title for
any of them.