wednesday newstrip

Dr Simon Clulow of Newcastle University has discovered Elon Musk, the well-known inventor & business magnate, in a swamp close to Newcastle ∙ an overwhelming majority of voters are disgusted by Kendall Jenner having so much to drink on her first official boozy night out that she completely forgot she'd been gifted a brand new car worth hundreds of thousands of dollars ∙ the Malaysian military official who defecated outside a Wellington woman's home & was convicted of indecently assaulting her has lost 70kg after fears of being unable to fit into an airplane seat ∙ Jay Z harbors doubts that Kanye can unite the country by flashing his bright orange groin in an effort to ward off predators ∙ a former Ontario fertility doctor is facing allegations he used his own sperm to impregnate both major-party nominees.