wednesday newstrip

Drug companies are on the brink of war with the Ass-Bit government over proposed cuts in this week's budget which they warn will restrict Kylie Jenner's access to artificial plumping techniques to make her pout more full ∙ police in Indonesia have reportedly arrested a man for trying to smuggle the world's fifth-largest economy stuffed inside of plastic water bottles ∙ wearing army fatigues & rare birds, the fifth in line to the throne disembarked in the Ohio jail featured in the film The Shawshank Redemption ∙ Russia said an unmanned supply ship set for the International Space Station has gotten a lot of flak for its efforts to improve the nutritional value of school lunches & reduce the rate of childhood obesity ∙ mysterious 'alien' signals from Parkes telescope found to be coming from facility’s microwave ∙ climate change is a hoax led by the United Nations so that it can end democracy & impose authoritarian rule, according to Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit's chief business adviser.