Wednesday, October 14, 2015

wednesday newstrip

Frogs face mass extinction with new research showing hundreds of species have been lost over three decades due to factors such as pollution, habitat destruction, & a woman who tried to bring cow urine into the country ∙ a simple childish fight over a puppy led an 11-year-old boy to shoot and kill his eight-year-old neighbor in the US state of Tennessee ∙ Pram Minister Malformed Turnip-Ball has hailed the discovery, in a remote area of Indonesia, of a new species of mammal dubbed the hog-nosed rat as "a gigantic foundation stone for our future prosperity" ∙ following the signing of the Trans-Pacific Partnership, New Zealander train passengers can expect some delays & cancellations today.

Tuesday, October 13, 2015


Monday, October 12, 2015

long walks at the beach

Now that I've woken up with
some gnarly morning wood,
nothing turns me off faster

than a stint of dishwashing
in a prison kitchen or using
Lego to recreate the funeral

procession of John F. Kennedy.
Moonlighting as a porn star
can be a hard secret to keep.

Sunday, October 11, 2015

A line from Bashar al-Assad

All technology is fashion-
challenged, yet here we are,
ruled by its bipolar shadow.
The red rose-like flower of

the pomegranate might look
every inch the business
woman in that black blazer;
but its astringent & mildly

bitter properties can have
a stimulant effect on the
bladder. It's a huge & grow-
ing problem, & how people

deal with it is not always
easy to recognize. Girls
may be faced with the
sexual advances of older

boys disenchanted on
reaching a level in Candy
Crush Saga & finding that
when play is pushed it

loads up but never finishes.
Two people are in conflict.
If this proliferates, mobile
gaming might be ruined.

Saturday, October 10, 2015

passing through

Friday, October 09, 2015

geographies: Kinshasa

Riding a beer truck
wasn't comfortable but
the experience was quite
exhilarating, in much
the same way that the
dangerous combination
of scarves & convertibles
resonates with a specific

audience. She had rented
a red Mustang to use
over the summer, hoping
it would put icing on to
the vacation cake. The
moon was almost full.

Thursday, October 08, 2015

A line from Henning Mankell

Just got tumblr for my
blackberry! My lipids
go up. There's a lot of
Winter still to come

so some body fat is a
helpful thing. It's what
cowboy poetry is all
about. Nude therapy

has an indisputable
tabloid character but can
breathe life into a city's
stagnant urban core.

Then a small dog dons
snazzy new pumps &
makes an incisive
contribution to the long-

standing debate over
authenticity in talent
competitions. Gentrification
is far from complete.


Wednesday, October 07, 2015

wednesday newstrip

The latest central bank to cut interest rates in an unexpected move has proved no subject is taboo, no public sensibility too sensitive to trash ∙ giant killer lizards will get their first New Zealand public outing as fully-fledged, flying aeronautical wonders during the Warbirds Over Wanaka International Airshow ∙ one of the greatest ways to enjoy the water is out on a kayak. The two students who died in a tragic kayaking incident on Lake Tekapo yesterday were on a break from university ∙ a tiny fossil that was once Mr. Garrison's penis has become the first physical evidence that giant reptiles & the animated adults-only cartoon South Park co-existed for a time during the Pleistocene in Australia ∙ radicalisation kit links green activism and 'alternative music' to a man wearing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle mask who made off with a BMW motorcycle from a Melbourne car dealership.

Tuesday, October 06, 2015

able was I

Monday, October 05, 2015

the directions of emotion

What lips my
lips have kissed, &
where, & why, I
have forgotten, &
what arms have lain
under my head
till morning; but the
rain is full of
ghosts tonight, that
tap & sigh upon
the glass & listen
for reply; & in my
heart there stirs a
quiet pain for un-
remembered lads
that not again will
turn to me at mid-
night with a cry.

Thus in the winter
stands a lonely tree,
nor knows what
birds have vanished
one by one, yet
know its boughs
more silent than
before: I cannot
say what loves have
come & gone; I only
know that summer
sang in me a little
while, that in me
sings no more.

is no parenthesis
& death i think

for life's not a
back in my arms
laugh, leaning
each other: then
we are for

which says
eyelids' flutter
is less than your
ure of my brain
cry—the best gest-
all flowers. Don't
lady i swear by
than wisdom
are a better fate
approves, & kisses
my blood

Spring is in the
to be a fool while
kiss you; wholly
will never wholly
syntax of things
any attention to the
first who pays
since feeling is

Sunday, October 04, 2015


Friday, October 02, 2015

But the petunias look nice

Miss Petunia, a fishmonger in the most malodorous quarter of 18th-century Paris, could sniff out the subtlest smells, distinguishing that emitted by an obese ghost residing in one of the bathrooms in Luigi's Mansion from that of rodent or maggot or peach.

She would often say "It must be awful to marry one of those nubile cuties knowing that there is a time bomb ticking away in her that will at some unknown date make her bloat out into something huge & grotesque, presumably all of a sudden & without much notice."

She preferred elegant petunia & lesbian flower designs in royal blue, where the plants grew to grotesque proportions, then folded up & died before setting seeds.

When she peered into the rearview—oh the grotesque faces! Each petunia had drawn up on its stem & each was turned to face her. A small LED floodlight with rotating colors shone on them & it made the somewhat grotesque things even stranger–now a blue face, then red, & green, & yellow, & . . . & magenta. It always kept coming back to magenta.

For those rare occurrences where you may need petunias last minute, XXX Cash Loan can work to transfer urgent funds in as little as two hours.

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

wednesday newstrip

Archaeologists have excavated ex-Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit from a Pre-Roman era tomb at Pompeii, the town buried in a 79AD volcanic eruption ∙ a local Conservative party group has cancelled a planned "pig race" fundraising event after allegations emerged that British Prim Minister David Came*on had inserted his private parts into a dead pig's head at university ∙ a woman is being counselled after allegedly catching a Brisbane childcare worker trying to insert his private parts into her friend's two-year-old son's mouth ∙ new Pram Minister Malformed Turnip-Ball will not live in the official Sydney residence Kirribilli House, preferring instead to stay in his $50 million harborside mansion ∙ scientists have discovered that supermassive black holes spiraling towards one another can communicate between themselves by humming at incredibly low frequencies.

Monday, September 28, 2015


Saturday, September 26, 2015

Can we go now?

Friday, September 25, 2015

The 2015 Ig Nobel Awards

It's been a while since I noted one of my favorite lists. I'm rectifying that omission now.
CHEMISTRY PRIZE — For inventing a chemical recipe to partially un-boil an egg.

Callum Ormonde and Colin Raston [Australia], and Tom Yuan, Stephan Kudlacek, Sameeran Kunche, Joshua N. Smith, William A. Brown, Kaitlin Pugliese, Tivoli Olsen, Mariam Iftikhar, Gregory Weiss [USA]

PHYSICS PRIZE — For testing the biological principle that nearly all mammals empty their bladders in about 21 seconds (plus or minus 13 seconds).

Patricia Yang [USA and Taiwan], David Hu [USA and Taiwan], and Jonathan Pham, Jerome Choo [USA]

LITERATURE PRIZE — For discovering that the word "huh?" (or its equivalent) seems to exist in every human language — and for not being quite sure why.

Mark Dingemanse [The Netherlands, USA], Francisco Torreira [The Netherlands, Belgium, USA], and Nick J. Enfield [Australia, The Netherlands]

MANAGEMENT PRIZE — For discovering that many business leaders developed in childhood a fondness for risk-taking, when they experienced natural disasters (such as earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, tsunamis, and wildfires) that — for them — had no dire personal consequences.

Gennaro Bernile [Italy, Singapore, USA], Vineet Bhagwat [USA], and P. Raghavendra Rau [U.K., India, France, Luxembourg, Germany, Japan]

ECONOMICS PRIZE — The Bangkok Metropolitan Police [Thailand], for offering to pay policemen extra cash if the policemen refuse to take bribes.

MEDICINE PRIZE — For experiments to study the biomedical benefits or biomedical consequences of intense kissing (and other intimate, interpersonal activities).

Awarded jointly to two groups: Hajime Kimata [Japan, China]; and to Jaroslava Durdiaková [Slovakia, USA, U.K.], Peter Celec [Slovakia, Germany], Natália Kamodyová, Tatiana Sedláčková, Gabriela Repiská, Barbara Sviežená, and Gabriel Minárik [Slovakia]

MATHEMATICS PRIZE — For trying to use mathematical techniques to determine whether and how Moulay Ismael the Bloodthirsty, the Sharifian Emperor of Morocco, managed, during the years from 1697 through 1727, to father 888 children.

Elisabeth Oberzaucher [Austria, Germany, U.K.] and Karl Grammer [Austra, Germany]

BIOLOGY PRIZE — For observing that when you attach a weighted stick to the rear end of a chicken, the chicken then walks in a manner similar to that in which dinosaurs are thought to have walked.

Bruno Grossi, Omar Larach, Mauricio Canals, Rodrigo A. Vásquez [Chile], José Iriarte-Díaz [Chile, USA]

DIAGNOSTIC MEDICINE PRIZE — For determining that acute appendicitis can be accurately diagnosed by the amount of pain evident when the patient is driven over speed bumps.

Diallah Karim [CANADA, U.K.], Anthony Harnden [New Zealand, U.K., USA], Nigel D’Souza [Bahrain, Belgium, Dubai, India, South Africa, USA, U.K.], Andrew Huang [China, U.K.], Abdel Kader Allouni [Syria, U.K.], Helen Ashdown [U.K.], Richard J. Stevens [U.K.], and Simon Kreckler [U.K.]

PHYSIOLOGY and ENTOMOLOGY PRIZE — For carefully arranging for honey bees to sting him repeatedly on 25 different locations on his body, to learn which locations are the least painful (the skull, middle toe tip, and upper arm). and which are the most painful (the nostril, upper lip, and penis shaft).

Awarded jointly to two individuals: Justin Schmidt [USA, Canada], for painstakingly creating the Schmidt Sting Pain Index, which rates the relative pain people feel when stung by various insects; and to Michael L. Smith [USA, U.K., The Netherlands]
FULL LIST with Scientific References can be found at Ig Nobel website,

Thursday, September 24, 2015

The brochure perpetuates stereotypes

Prime pheasant hunting land. No

singing, merely recitation in a

natural manner with no artifice.

The Yin to a shiny Rolex's Yang.

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

wednesday newstrip

Three new bee species with unusually narrow heads & long mouths have been discovered by Oroton Group's big-ticket handbags, pushing the label back towards profit growth & driving its transformation from a mid-market discounter to an Australian luxury label ∙ an Australian photographer has captured a rare moment of animal communion with a shot of a seal humping a surfbreak whale off the New South Wales coast ∙ new Pram Minister & well-known dick tech head, Malformed Turnip-Ball, will not be going ahead with a Silicon Valley trade mission planned by his predecessor now that researchers have found asbestos in the crayons there ∙ severe storms on the New South Wales Central Coast have left a thick blanket of potentially harmful nanoparticles of titanium dioxide & silica covering roads & causing power disruptions to hundreds of homes.

Tuesday, September 22, 2015


Saturday, September 19, 2015

Adrenal Fatigue

Thursday, September 17, 2015


Wednesday, September 16, 2015

wednesday newstrip

Commonwealth Bank services have returned to normal after a problem with electronic transactions left customers stranded in the midst of the morning rush hour, unable to pay for the inland railway idea floated again like clockwork as an election year nears ∙ Toe Knee Ass-Bit was caught laughing at a distasteful joke made by I'm_migrating Minister, Pastor Dustbin, regarding the rising sea levels that threaten the small island states of the Pacific ∙ there is growing anger within the ministry after a hit-list of Howard-era ministers reportedly in line to be demoted was published. A cabinet minister said he was in no doubt the reshuffle story had come from the Prom Minister's office but said the office was so inept it had actually harmed, rather than helped, the Government ∙ Japanese fishermen have killed the first dolphins of the season in a controversial annual hunt ∙ Australian researchers have made what they say is the first link between brain size & junk food, finding older people with unhealthy diets have smaller brains ∙ Malcontent Turncoatabull has overthrown Toe Knee Ass-Bit & is now Pram Minister of Australia.

Monday, September 14, 2015

The transposition of desires

Saturday, September 12, 2015


Friday, September 11, 2015

Point CANAVERAL, a found poem

An important acoustic guitar on a $1 dollar billion NASA satellite has futile, minimizing scientists’ the trap files to really appraise the water in Earth’s dust to develop heavy rain pour conjecturing and watch global warming, officers said on Thursday.

A minute tool remnants working onboard the two,100-pound (950-kg) Soil Moisture Active Passive satellite, while its measure of fact can be more restricted.

The satellite’s high-powered radar technique, proficient at accumulating figures in swaths of harsh land as little as about more than 2 airline miles (thee kilometer) across, did not in July after lower than a three month period running, NASA said. The reason behind the catastrophe is below inspection.

Launched in January, SMAP was devised to shell out 3 many years in area, using sizing on the level of h2o within the greater couple of inch (six cervical mucus) along the Earth’s land.

Scientists had liked to mix SMAP’s high-res research along with records that are caused by the lower-resolution apparatus…

Thursday, September 10, 2015


Wednesday, September 09, 2015

wednesday newstrip

Prom Minister Toe Knee Ass-Bit says the "very sad" images of a Syrian boy lying lifeless on a Turkish beach demonstrate the need for countries to adopt tough policies & launch airstrikes against asylum seekers arriving by boat ∙ Ass-Bit has also managed to anger the Islamic State movement by suggesting that an autonomous robot that can administer a lethal injection was more dangerous than they could ever be ∙ the Prom Minister has lost three trillion trees from his personal office in the nearly two years since being elected. That figure is eight times bigger than any other previous occupant's ∙ a parliamentary intelligence committee is expected to back the government's controversial anti-terrorism citizenship law changes ∙ hundreds of crown-of-thorns starfish have poured into Budapest's international train station after police re-opened it following a two-day standoff ∙ the head of the UN refugee agency in Jordan has questioned why Australia is spending more money on military operations in Iraq than it is on aid for Syrian refugees.

Monday, September 07, 2015