Some years back, I began a post "[this] arrived in my email after a couple of kangaroo hops, & being a word lover I couldn't resist........
The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition."
For some reason or other, I thought about the subject of the post again today, did the obligatory Google search, recovered lots of search results, spread across several years up to & including two days ago, many of which begin "the latest version of the WaPo's Mensa Invitational...."
But they're all the same set. It's the same e-mail, circling the world like some marine creature, coming up to breathe every so often, & cited when it's sighted. & the list has no connection with either Mensa or the Washington Post.
According to the Washington Post, "It still hasn't stopped: With mystifying regularity, we continue to receive (often passed through several mailboxes at The Post) unsolicited entries to what's sometimes called the "Mensa Invitational."
The reason for the e-mail's popularity—& perceived veracity—is that it's a genuinely funny list. Which is why I'm posting it again.
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund which lasts until you realize that it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
12. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
13. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
18. Caterpallor (n.): the colour you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.